


Pacifist (aka I don't wanna go to war)

by Virus138



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Arguing, Arranged Marriage, Beaches, Blankets, Breakfast, Cooking, Cuddles, Cussing, Denial, Denial of Feelings, Domestic, Domestic Fluff, Domestic arguments, Driving, Drunken Confessions, Drunkenness, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Forced Marriage, Hair Dyeing, Hurt/Comfort, IZAYA IS A LITTLE SHIT, Illegal Driving, Injury, Izaya does Yoga, Izaya is bored, Izaya paints lofts, Izaya tries to be Piccasso, Kisses, Loss of Virginity, Love Confessions, Love/Hate, M/M, Mornings, Moving In Together, New house, Painting, Sexual Tension, Shizuo is a little shy, Shizuo is cute, Shizuo is shy, Shopping, Shower Sex, Showers, Sleepy Cuddles, Slow Build, Smut, Sweet Sex, Unpacking, We love him though, Wedding Rings, Weddings, diss fights, long talks, make out, neck kisses
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-31
Updated: 2017-05-27
Packaged: 2018-07-11 11:33:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 36,930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7047973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Virus138/pseuds/Virus138
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a decree that any able-bodied person without a husband, wife or child is to be conscripted into the army, Izaya decides that the only way to get out of fighting a war is to get married. His only option?<br/>Shizuo Heiwajima. </p><p>Izaya and Shizuo move away and are forced to live together. Shizuo wants to kill Izaya. Izaya is having a right laugh. That is, until they really start to notice each other and they fall into a routine. And then, after that, Shizuo can't stop looking at Izaya when he walks into a room and Izaya isn't satisfied by laying in the same bed with Shizuo anymore.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I DON'T WANT TO GO TO WAR

It had begun.

Izaya watched from across the street as the annoying eighteen year old that had been doing nothing all summer kissed his mom goodbye and got into a cab, loaded with bags. He was going to the army and he would likely not come back.

Tomorrow marked exactly two months since the state issued a decree that any able bodied man and woman aged from eighteen to forty in Japan was to be conscripted into the army due to soldier shortages. That is, unless you were married or with children. Izaya liked his comfortable life and he liked his job, as hard as it was sometimes, but he did not want to work as a hacker for the army for one fourth of what he earned working illegally. Plus, he didn’t want to die. Tokyo was going to become one of the new military bases so Izaya had to clear anyway. He couldn’t go on the run – a computer genius like him would be hunted down, and tomorrow soldier would come banging because the deadline was over and it was time to ‘serve his country’. As a healthy twenty three year old there was no way he could get out of it.

Unless he got married.

The government officials weren’t stupid. They assumed people would mass-marry to try and get out of conscription, so to check the validity of the marriage the couple was required to move in together, sleep in one bed and be checked upon every few months. Also, they could not get divorced for three years. That was quite a feat, when it came to Izaya. He liked his personal space and hated doting on stupid, giggling girls.

Of course, there was someone that could make this marriage work.

Three days prior Izaya had broken into Shizuo’s flat and…well, you could say he proposed. Shizuo would have probably preferred to die ten times over before he married Izaya, but there was one thing he didn’t want to do – hurt people. He would not only be used as a killing machine but he could also lose his temper and hurt his comrades. Once Izaya stated this and saw Shizuo’s face, he knew he had him. He also offered to pay the expenses of a nice house and stay the hell away from him. This and the fact that Shizuo could hurt Izaya and not care tipped the scale and Izaya was waiting for a reply.

That worked for Izaya – he’d get a big house so he could stay out of Shizuo’s way and conduct business and he wouldn’t have to get all cuddly with Shizuo to keep him happy so he wouldn’t run to the government and spill their whole arrangement. Plus Shizuo wouldn’t mind him hogging the blankets and he would make Izaya’s day-to-day life ultimately more interesting. The only con, really, was the death that would always hang above Izaya’s head if he pushed Shizuo too far.

Right when Izaya wondered if he would have to pay Shizuo another visit to get him to agree there was an angry, loud bang at his doors, strong enough to nearly make the doors fall to the ground. Izaya skipped to it and opened it with a grin.

‘Shizu-chan! Whatever brings you here?’’ he asked cheerfully when he saw the pissed off blonde.

‘’I’ll do it,’’ he said, teeth gritted. Izaya raised an eyebrow, unimpressed, ‘’I’ll marry you.’’

‘’Good,’’ he said, matter of factly, ‘’I’ve already notified the office. Be there at four pm tomorrow, Shinra’s the witness, no guests. We’re moving out this time next week, so be packed. Ta!’’ and he slammed the doors shut in Shizuo’s face.

>>><<< 

June 24th

Izaya had picked the nicest, least expensive house he could find in a shitty little town by the sea. The town itself was so sleepy and small it looked abandoned but the sea was nice and the view was great, especially now, in summer. The ‘wedding’ had been short and snappy, and the moving even shorter and snappier. A week after their last conversation, Izaya and Shizuo found themselves standing outside their new house.

It was a nice building, and the only modern one for miles. It stood next to a low cliff overlooking the sea. It had three storeys and big windows. Izaya skipped inside, letting Shizuo lug the suitcases in. The movers had come and gone, leaving brown boxes everywhere. Izaya ignored them, venturing to explore the house he had only seen online. The front doors opened onto a nice, narrow corridor with slippery wooden floors. There were stairs on the left but the corridor continued straight and fanned out into a livingroom. Other than a simple white couch and a table in the corner, it wasn’t furnished, but the kitchen that it led into was set up with a marble counter and all the kitchen equipment.

 Izaya checked these out in twenty seconds and ran upstairs. Here was the master bedroom – their bedroom – with a massive bed. Izaya didn’t deny himself the pleasure of jumping onto it, even though there were no pillows or covers yet. Shizuo followed him in with a stone face.

‘’Which side do you want?’’ Izaya splayed himself across the bed. Even in a jumping jack position he couldn’t touch the corners of the bed. Shizuo shrugged and left the room. It was starting to get warm, despite it being early morning, so Izaya opened the windows and shoved open the doors in the room. It led to a built in bathroom and Izaya grinned, leaving the room.

That floor contained a mostly empty guest room, another, bigger bathroom and a small, bare storage room. There were some more stairs and Izaya ran up them like an excited child. They led to a large, spacious attic, completely stripped of furniture and covered in dust.

‘’Check it out!’’ Izaya called, ‘’we have an attic!’’

A few minutes later Shizuo appeared at the open doors. He looked around the room, ‘’it’s a nice house,’’ he said quietly.

Izaya frowned. Why was Shizuo being quiet all of a sudden, instead of being pissed off?

He skipped over to the blonde and threw his arms over his neck mockingly, ‘’cheer up Shizu-chan.’’

Shizuo yanked down his hands and squeezed his wrist painfully, glaring at him, ‘’I’ll kill you.’’

Izaya forced a grin and leaned in close, whispering in Shizuo’s ear, ‘’rough. That’s how I like it.’’

Shizuo shoved Izaya away with disgust and the raven grinned, even though he stumbled as he went.  


	2. I DON'T WANT TO BLEED

June 24th

That day, they didn’t get much done. Izaya pestered Shizuo enough to not show how uneasy being in a closed space with a monster made him, but not enough to drive Shizuo over the edge. They stayed out of each other’s way – Izaya unpacked the kitchen stuff. He didn’t like cooking so he had to have his rice cooker, toaster, microwave and blender in place to make a quick meal. Shizuo spent a painfully long time putting shampoos in a neat row in the bathroom. Izaya decided he wanted the bigger one down the corridor, and gave Shizuo full reign of the built in bathroom. A few times Izaya came in to put some boxes in the bedroom to find Shizuo painstakingly putting the shampoos in a perfect row on the windowsill. Izaya would have thought it would be him doing OCD stuff like that, but maybe Shizuo was trying to concentrate on something other than killing Izaya.

After half-finishing the kitchen, Izaya didn’t feel like doing anything else, so he put the sheets, covers and pillows onto his bed, opened his laptop and lost himself in work. Now that he was far away from Tokyo he couldn’t meet clients as often, but he could still be an Informant. Shizuo finally finished stacking shampoos, gave Izaya one long, painful look and left the room. The doors slammed shut. Izaya didn’t know nor did he care where he went.

A few hours later it was dark and Izaya had finished his work. He realised they had no food yet, but he wasn’t about to go out by himself at night in the dark. He would probably wander off the cliff by accident. He couldn’t lie – the town creeped him out a little. Stomach grumbling, Izaya half-heartedly unpacked his clothes. Without Namie to piss off, Ikebukuro to wander or at least a plugged in TV he felt terribly out of place. Izaya blinked – TV! That’s it! He could plug it in.

Ten minutes later Izaya was sitting around a box of cables and screwdrivers, with a 65 inch TV in front of him, feeling more lost than before. He heard the front doors open and some shuffling, and then Shizuo was leaning against the doors.

‘’Where did you go?’’ Izaya asked, without looking up.

‘’What are you doing?’’ Shizuo ignored his question.

Izaya gestured to the pile of crap around him, ‘’isn’t it obvious?’’

Shizuo gave him a look and peeled himself from the doorframe, ‘’let me do that,’’ he knelt by Izaya. The raven instinctively shuffled backwards. Now Shizuo wasn’t looking at him, picking up the instruction list, ‘’I brought you some food.’’

Izaya got a weird, tingling sensation in his stomach. Food, for him? Huh. Probably poisoned. Slowly he got up and wandered into the kitchen, leaving Shizuo to plug in the TV. There was a plastic bag on the counter. Izaya lifted it with the tips of his fingertips, expecting a venomous snake but seeing only boxed meals. Suspicious, Izaya took out the nearest box. Spaghetti. It didn’t look half bad and Izaya’s stomach growled in approval. Sighing and shaking his head, Izaya pierced the lid a few times, imagining Shizuo’s face, and popped it into the microwave.

>>><<< 

The shower down the hall pissed Izaya off. The water pressure wasn’t hard enough, no matter how much he adjusted the head of the shower. Izaya sighed. Maybe he’d get Shizuo to fix it – he did fine with the TV. Or maybe he’d force him to switch bathrooms. Izaya stayed under the water for ages, not caring about how high the water bill was going to be. He smothered himself in body wash, washed it off again. He washed his hair. Washed his body again. Then his hair again. He didn’t want to be in the same bed as the monster. The reality of having to sleep together hit Izaya like a brick. Gritting his teeth, he scrubbed his hair again, despite the fact that the water had gone cold.

When the shampoo bottle was half finished, Izaya stepped out, spraying water everywhere. He wiggled his toes into the fluffy carpet he set out in front of the shower. There was a bath, too, in the corner. Maybe he could take one to stall this more? But he was already getting tired – he didn’t want to fall asleep during a bath and drown. Sighing again, Izaya grabbed his towel and dried every inch of his body. Then he dried his hair, too. He would have blown dried it but he didn’t know in which box the drier was. Then he took toilet paper, which he had thankfully bought and exported from Tokyo, and dried the floor where he had left it wet.

His skin was pretty smooth already, but he spent another ten minutes carefully applying moisturising cream to his arms and face. He brushed his still slightly damp hair, something he rarely did. Brushed his teeth for another ten minutes. Splashed his face with water and reapplied the cream. Pulled on his black t-shirt and shorts, that served as his PJs. Spent another five minutes looking at himself in the mirror; smoothing creases on the t-shirt and searching for nonexistent pimples. He picked up his phone, checked the time…

00:09

25th June 

Izaya sighed once more and finally unlocked the bathroom doors. The house was quiet. Izaya had left the lights on and Shizuo had turned them off, maybe to spite him. Izaya wasn’t scared of the dark, but he didn’t like it much. He closed the doors and half-ran to the bedroom. Inside it was dark too, and Shizuo was already in bed. Izaya closed the doors slowly. A sleeping monster was a less dangerous monster. As quietly as he could, he placed his phone on the floor and took his knife. He crawled into bed and tucked the switch blade under the pillow. It stung when it cut him, but at least he knew it was there if he needed to protect himself. Izaya curled himself away from the beast and closed his eyes.

01:32

Izaya woke up. His hand hurt. Sleepily, he released the knife. He was nearly falling off the bed. He shuffled backwards and tugged on the covers. It was summer, but it was cold. He closed his eyes and drifted off again.

03:13

Shizuo woke up without the covers. Izaya was bundled in them. Shizuo shrugged to himself and closed his eyes. He had high body temperature anyway.

05:54

Izaya woke up, feeling warm. Too warm. He blinked himself awake, judging the situation. The covers were tightly wound around him, but there was a pressure on his stomach. Izaya’s hand searched for his knife under his pillow before he realised that it was just Shizuo’s arm, draped carelessly over his middle. Izaya nearly groaned. So Shizuo was a hugger.

Izaya slapped him hard in the chest and Shizuo opened his hazel eyes, blinking and sitting up.

‘’what’s goin’ on?’’ he asked huskily.

‘’Quit touching me,’’ Izaya snapped, sitting up too. He got really grumpy in the mornings.

Shizuo frowned, looking down, ‘’why is your hand red?’’ Izaya looked down too. There were two ugly, jagged, shallow lines and a hell of a lot of crusted blood on his hand. Shizuo’s eyebrow twitched, ‘’don’t tell me you slept with you knife.’’

Izaya blanked him.

Shizuo sighed and got up, ‘’go clean it up. I’ll change the sheets,’’ he gave him a long look, ‘’you know, you don’t need to sleep with your knife. Your death would mean I have no husband, and I’d have to join the army. It would ruin the whole arrangement.’’

It pissed Izaya off how Shizuo sounded smarter than him, ‘’shut up,’’ he snapped, walking out and into his bathroom.


	3. I DON'T WANT TO FEEL LIKE THIS

June 28th

Izaya realised he had way too much stuff about two seconds into unpacking. Now, four days after he and Shizuo moved into their house, he firmly stood by that decision. Looking at it critically, did he _really_ need six black, long-sleeved tops? While Shizuo had unpacked fairly quickly, Izaya did it slowly and systematically. Actually, he rarely did it at all. He opted for holing up on the armchair he brought from home with his laptop and assuring his clients that he was still up for business. Now June was coming to an end and Izaya had woken up, eaten a shitty breakfast and decided it was time to get rid of the annoying boxes littering his living space.

The second point on his list was going proper grocery shopping. So far, every time they got hungry, he or Shizuo would nip out to the little corner shop half an hour from their house but it only really had cereal, cheap beer, readymade meals and a shit load of sweets. They needed to get to the next town over to the proper supermarket to get actual groceries. So Izaya had bought a car online, and it was due to come the next day. It was a new model but not a super expensive one, since Izaya didn’t know how to drive. Yet. But he was going to learn, since seeing a bus around here was as likely as having a UFO spaceship pass over your house.

‘’Seriously?’’ Shizuo came into the bedroom, where Izaya was painstakingly folding his black tops, holding Izaya’s blender in his hand, ‘’this is, like, the sixth kitchen thing I’ve found. I don’t even know what this is!’’

Izaya rolled his eyes, ‘’a human can’t live off microwaved food. Just because a protozoan like you was happy with a built in oven, a microwave and a kettle doesn’t mean I have to.’’

Shizuo looked at him for a few seconds with a blank expression, ‘’quit snapping at me just because you’re in a bad mood,’’ he shook the blender in the air, ‘’and tell me what the hell this is.’’

Izaya gave Shizuo his best, sarcastic smile and spoke like to a child, ‘’it’s a blender, Shizu-chan. For milkshakes, because I don’t live off beer and milk, like a certain someone.’’

Shizuo frowned, trying to process if what Izaya said was an insult or not, ‘’I drink tea too,’’ he said, turning to leave, ‘’and my name is Shizuo. Get it right.’’

Izaya rolled his eyes again and fished out a handful of boxers. He folded them in half and put them in stacks by colour. There was a closet in the corner, by the window. Originally Shizuo and Izaya were meant to split it in half but as it turned out Shizuo had surprisingly little clothes, so he only took up one third of it. That left Izaya with more than enough room for all his shit, even though he still like to complain. He was tucking his underwear in the smallest shelf at the top, wrinkling his nose at how close it was to Shizuo’s (even though it was separated by a wooden wall) when Shizuo came in again.

‘’Okay, I get a blender. But the fuck is this?’’ he was holding a round thing with the tips of his fingers, like he was scared it would explode, peering at the sticking out oval in the middle like it was going to grow legs and crawl away.

‘’It’s my dildo!’’ Izaya said, sarcasm dripping off his voice. He stalked up to Shizuo and snatched it out of his hand, ‘’and before your stupid little brain believes that, let me tell you: it’s a lemon squeezer.’’

‘’A what?’’

Izaya’s eyes fluttered shut briefly and he stuck the squeezer in front of Shizuo’s face, ‘’you put a lemon half here,’’ he pointed to the sticking out bit, ‘’and you press and tadah! You get lemon juice.’’

‘’Why do you need lemon jui-‘’

‘’I don’t fucking know, Shizu-chan!’’ Izaya exploded, laughing without humour, ‘’to make fucking lemon tarts. Do you have to question every single thing!?’’ he pushed past him, ‘’and quit going through my boxes.’’

‘’I wouldn’t be going through them if they weren’t in the way,’’ Shizuo grumbled, ‘’and quit yelling like I’ve just murdered your family. I only wanna know what stuff is,’’ he rubbed the back of his head, feeling stupid.

Izaya ignored him, walking into the kitchen. He shoved a shelf open, a bit too violently, and tossed the squeezer inside. Then he grabbed a half full cereal box and stalked into the livingroom. He put his laptop on his legs and turned it on, stuffing his hand into the box and eating cereal like pop corn. He decided that it was enough unpacking for one day.

June 29th

Shizuo was gone all day the next day.

Izaya’s car, a shiny Mercedes, finally came and he decided to try it out in the large stretch of ‘fucking nothing’ that made up practically everything on the left of the house. Izaya read up on how to drive a car, watched a few videos on youtube and decided that as long as he didn’t drive off the cliff he was fine. And if he did then at least he and Shizuo wouldn’t be miserable anymore.

The car came around 12 am. A man delivered it to the front door and Izaya was surprised by the urge he had to talk to him. He realised that for a few days he had spoken to no one – Shizuo didn’t count because they just bickered and discussed the most simple, house-related things. But Izaya didn’t stoop so low to start a chat with a stranger about philosophy and science, so he thanked the guy and kept silent.

In the car he at least had something to do. It took him a while to familiarise himself with the interior and learn how to switch gears and once he forgot to press this one button and the Mercedes started rolling away without him inside. The first thing that surprised him was that he always had to have his foot on the pedal. If he wanted to go faster, he had to press down harder, but the pedal was sensitive and even the smallest change in pressure sent him lurching forward. Izaya decided it was safest to keep his other foot on the brake which resulted in sudden stops that lurched the car forward and sent Izaya slamming into the headboard. Thank God for seatbelts.

Once Izaya got a hang of the basics, he realised that turning the wheel was more than just _turning_ it. If he wanted to turn, he had to do it at a specific moment or he went in a too wide arc and off his mark or too close to a tree. Once he nearly drove off the cliff and at that point he decided it was enough practice for one day. Clumsily he parked the car close-ish to the house and with a headache he went back inside.

That was when he started wondering where Shizuo was.

Usually he was out for an hour, two at most. He went to the little shop for snacks or for a jog down at the beach or he just needed to get away from Izaya. This happened after Izaya got too snappy or if Shizuo lost his temper. Then Shizuo would storm out and sit on the edge of the cliff, staring into nothing in just his t-shirt. Izaya wondered if he would catch a cold. He hoped he wouldn’t, because then it would be down to him to take care of him – in the loosest meaning of that word. Besides, it probably wasn’t even possible for a monster like him to get sick.

But Shizuo had left at around ten and he was still gone at three when Izaya fished out some pasta from the cupboards and made a kind of messy pasta-sugar-and-butter lunch for himself. Izaya started wondering if he would ever be back. He wondered if he would be forced to drive around looking for him. Maybe he’d have a few days of peace.

But then Izaya thought harder about it. He was used to the lights and sounds of Tokyo, even at night. It was never fully dark in Izaya’s bedroom as his window looked out at the million lights all over the Capital of Japan. Here there wasn’t even a lantern outside. It was pitch black at night and Izaya wasn’t entirely comfortable staying by himself in the dark. Usually he even had Namie staying over late, doing work, so he wasn’t alone all the time. With a  sense of dread Izaya realised he was actually hoping Shizuo would come back.

At around four thirty the lock clicked and Shizuo walked into the kitchen. Izaya was drinking a mug of tea by the counter, holding the cup in both his hands. Shizuo walked in casually, looking tired but somehow happy.

‘’Hey, you,’’ Izaya said neutrally, ‘’whose day have you been making worse?’’

Shizuo didn’t take the bait and took his shoes off calmly, ‘’I got a job,’’ he announced and raised a plastic bag, ‘’and dinner.’’

Izaya nearly choked on his tea and tried to keep his face sarcastic, ‘’you? Got a job?’’

Shizuo’s half-smile faltered, ‘’yeah. At the old people’s home.’’

Izaya snorted and coughed, the tea going down the wrong hole, ‘’you and _old people_? I thought euthanasia was illegal!’’

Shizuo’s face darkened, ‘’God, you’re such a bastard.’’

Izaya rolled his eyes, ‘’so, what? Isn’t this something people volunteer for?’’

Shizuo shrugged, ‘’there’s a lot of the elderly around and they needed someone for the manual labour, like lugging them around and stuff. It pays okay. Enough.’’

Izaya raised an eyebrow, ‘’that so?’’

‘’Yeah.’’

Izaya glanced at Shizuo’s face. All trace of happiness or anything else was gone, replaced by annoyance and grumpiness. Izaya almost felt bad for raining on his parade. He went to him and took the plastic bag from Shizuo’s hand.

‘’The car came,’’ he said, taking out microwave meals. Spaghetti and lasagne. Like he didn’t have enough pasta.

‘’We have a car?’’ Shizuo asked surprised, shaking the kettle to see if there was enough hot water for tea.

‘’I bought one. A Mercedes, but I can’t drive it yet.’’ Izaya put his mug in the sink and looked around for a knife to pierce the plastic lid of his dinner. He went for Lasagne – at least the pasta inside wasn’t that obvious.

‘’That’s why the front yard looks like the aliens attacked us. All crop circles and stuff,’’ Shizuo half-smiled again, making himself tea. Izaya was glad. A pissed off Shizuo meant a Shizuo that could lose his temper easily and hurt him. Smiles were a good sign, ‘’I can drive a little. Don’t have a licence though.’’

‘’That’s good since we need to go to that supermarket in the other town,’’ Izaya said, washing his mug. The microwave filled the kitchen with a comforting hum.

Shizuo murmured in agreement and took his cup into the livingroom, ‘’pop mine in when yours is done.’’

>>>*<<<

After dinner and more tea the two sat in the livingroom. Izaya had his laptop out but he wasn’t doing any work, preferring to stare into space. Shizuo was flicking through the newspaper. At times like this Izaya usually chatted to Namie or something and the need to speak was overwhelming.

‘’Hey, Shizu-chan,’’ Izaya struck up a conversation, ‘’do you think a monster like you can be killed?’’

‘’My name is Shizuo,’’  Shizuo muttered, flicking a page.

Izaya waited a few seconds and leaned forward, towards the couch Shizuo was occupying, ‘’are you going to answer my question?’’

‘’No. It’s a stupid question.’’

Izaya rolled his eyes, ‘’you’re just being difficult.’’

Shizuo put the magazine down a little harder than normal, ‘’how should I know? I’ve never been killed, have I?’’

‘’How many people have tried?’’ Izaya asked with a cheeky smile.

‘’So far, you.’’ Shizuo said darkly, levelling Izaya with a murderous gaze.

Izaya wondered if he went too far and he gave Shizuo a sweet smile, ‘’calm down, I’m only kidding,’’ Shizuo growled and went back to his newspaper, ‘’it’s just I get awfully lonely without anyone to talk to.’’ He pouted.

‘’I’m not your friend. I don’t wanna talk to you.’’ Shizuo didn’t even look up.

Izaya felt real annoyance stir inside him, ‘’hey, Shizu-chan. What do you prefer? Spaghetti or Lasagne?’’

Shizuo growled, ‘’I don’t know.’’

‘’What about milk or beer?’’

‘’I don’t know,’’ Shizuo snapped, ‘’if you’re bored, go to sleep.’’

Izaya sighed and pressed his forehead into the arm of the armchair, whining like a little kid. When that didn’t get Shizuo’s attention, he glanced at him from under his lashes.

‘’Do you like the sea?’’

Shizuo glanced up from the paper and studied him for a few seconds.

‘’I don’t hate it.’’

‘’So you like it.’’

Shizuo thought for a moment, trying to judge if Izaya was taking the piss, ‘’the sand is annoying when it gets in your shoes. And the water is salty and gross, if you swallow it. But…when it’s sunny, I suppose it’s nice. And it’s pretty, no matter what the sky is like…’’ he clamped his mouth shut, feeling stupid again. Izaya always made him feel stupid. Like a primary kid talking to a college student, ‘’what…what about you?’’

‘’Hm?’’

‘’Do you like the sea?’’

Izaya laughed hollowly, ‘’no. I don’t like it.’’

‘’Why not?’’

Izaya rolled off the armchair and shut his laptop, walking towards the bathroom, ‘’it makes me feel small.’’


	4. I DON'T WANT TO BE YOUR DRIVER

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hiya guys! I just wanted to say a MASSIVE thank you to everyone who's been supporting me while I write this fic. Seriously, I'm all set on updating another one, I see a cute review on all that you guys liked and suddenly I'm like 'no. No, this one defo needs to be updated.' 
> 
> But yeah, you guys are great so thank you so much, for the kudos and bookmarks and the whole lot as well ;*

June 31st

Izaya opted for sleeping with his switch blade on the floor, where he could easily reach it. It earned him a raised eyebrow from Shizuo, to which he stuck up his middle finger.

On the last day of June Izaya woke up with Shizuo’s arm draped over him again. It hadn’t happened since the first night, but that was probably because every time Izaya woke up Shizuo was already getting dressed, so maybe he just didn’t notice. He growled in annoyance, took Shizuo’s middle finger and twisted it back. Shizuo didn’t flinch, nor did he wake up. Izaya paled and dropped the finger. He turned to face the monster. He was deeply asleep. Izaya studied his face. He had surprisingly long eyelashes and when he was asleep he looked much younger than he was in reality. Izaya poked his cheek. It was soft. Shizuo didn’t wake up, so Izaya brushed his knuckle across his cheek. It was really soft. Damn, he had to ask him what cream he used.

Izaya jerked his hand back, realising how it must have looked like out of context. Like a guy caressing his lover. Izaya realised that there was no one there. It made him feels stupid and grumpy so he kicked Shizuo and he jerked awake.

‘’I told you to quit touching me,’’ Izaya snapped, crawling out of bed now that he was free, ‘’next time you lose a nipple.’’ He twirled his blade, which he had picked up from the floor, in his hand for emphasis. 

Shizuo groaned, ‘’seriously? You’re a pain.’’

‘’You’re a twat,’’ Izaya pointed the knife at him and went down the hall to his bathroom.

‘’I hate you!’’ Shizuo called after him and listened for a reply.

‘’I hate you too, Shizu-chan!’’ Izaya called back and Shizuo found himself grinning sleepily. He forced himself to get out of bed and open the closet. He fished around for a fresh t-shirt and shorts, grabbed a pair of underwear and hesitated. Izaya’s boxers were right there, staring at him, a neat pile of black ones, white ones and blue ones. Shizuo fished out his batman ones and tossed them on top of Izaya’s, smirked in satisfaction and went into the bathroom.

After taking a quick shower and shaving, he went into the kitchen with a naïve hope that there might be something other than protein bars hiding somewhere.

‘’You had to eat the last cereal, didn’t you?’’ Shizuo asked Izaya, who was already in the kitchen, drinking tea. He pulled out the last of the milk and poured it into a glass, downing it in one go.

‘’When you starting work?’’ Izaya asked, ignoring his question.

‘’Um, Monday.’’ Shizuo started opening cupboards, finding nothing but dust and empty boxes.

‘’Close them.’’

‘’What?’’

Izaya gestured to the open cupboards, ‘’close them. It annoys me.’’

‘’Does it?’’ Shizuo’s eyes glinted as he carefully closed the cupboards, leaving the highest one open, and went back to the fridge.

‘’Seriously?’’ Izaya set his mug down loudly, ‘’just close the damn thing.’’ Shizuo ignored him and Izaya decided that the brute didn’t deserve to be asked again. He stood up and did a quick calculation in his head. If he stood on his tip toes he might just reach the shelf but he would probably only swing it lightly. With it being so high up, he wouldn’t be able to slam it hard enough to shut it. He wouldn’t swoop so low as to taking a chair and standing on it, like a little kid. He felt ridiculous taking a longer device to help him shut it too.

So he smiled sweetly and walked out of the kitchen. He needed to get his payback and his first thought was to get Shizuo’s clothes. He didn’t know what he would do with them, but it was a start. He opened the closet and nearly screamed when he saw batman boxers – he didn’t even like batman! – lying on top of his own. They were obviously Shizuo’s. Izaya looked around wildly for some kind of pincers so he wouldn’t have to touch that infernal thing – it was futile. The boxes were still scattered around and in his disgust he forgot which one held the contents of his desk. Taking a deep breath he pinched the boxers between two fingers, tossed them on the floor and stomped into Shizuo’s bathroom.

The first thing he spotted was Shizuo’s shaving cream. He grabbed the tube and squished shaving cream into the sink, making swirls like with whipped cream. Once the tube was empty he tossed it into the shower. He grabbed the shampoo and squeezed it all over the floor for good measure. Maybe the idiot would slip and crack his head open. Then Izaya spotted two things – a weighting scale on the floor and the lock. With a satisfied smirk he picked the scale up and slammed it on the lock a couple of times. It came off easily enough. No privacy for the monster. To top it off Izaya dropped the scale on the floor, smashing it and one of the tiles.

The perfect mess.

>>>*<<<

‘’You sure you know how to do this?’’

Shizuo growled quietly, staring ahead, hands on the steering wheel, ‘’yes.’’

‘’You sure you won’t kill us?’’

Shizuo didn’t look at Izaya, ‘’I wish I could kill you.’’

Izaya laughed dryly, ‘’it’s only a bathroom.’’

‘’It was only a bloody cupboard,’’ Shizuo grunted in response, cutting Izaya a dirty look, ‘’don’t think I’m cleaning it.’’

‘’Then you can shower in a dirty one,’’ Izaya snapped, all humour gone. God, Shizuo was the only person alive who Izaya didn’t wanna joke or mess with, ‘’and plus, it wasn’t just the cupboard. It was the underwear.’’

‘’It was a joke.’’

‘’Ha-ha.’’

‘’It was clean.’’

‘’Nothing you touch is clean,’’ Izaya wrinkled his nose.

Shizuo pulled out from where Izaya parked the Mercedes smoothly. Izaya envied how good he seemed to be at driving, even if he was tense all over, his jaw set.

‘’Shut up,’’ he ordered him tightly, eyes glued to the road, ‘’just read the shopping list and see if anything needs adding.’’

‘’You’re the last person on earth who makes shopping lists,’’ Izaya murmured more to himself than Shizuo and unfolded the little piece of paper Shizuo had tossed at him when they got in the car.

Veg & Fruit (tomatoes?)

Bread, Pasta & rice (x3)

Meat (chicken?)

Yoghurt & Milk

Tea

Bottled water

Butter, flour & eggs

Shampoo & shower gel

Stuff for sandwiches (jam?)

Toilet paper

Washing up liquid

Plates

Some canned stuff

Chocolate

Pain killers

Matches & batteries

Table cloth

Spag. Sauce

Plasters

Plates

‘’Why the hell do we need three breads?’’ Izaya frowned, ‘’and you have plates on there twice.’’

Shizuo grunted in response.

‘’We don’t need that many. It’s not like we’ll have guests,’’ he stuffed the list into his pocket, ‘’I’m surprised your pea brain remembered all this shit.’’

Shizuo didn’t react. Izaya frowned.

‘’Stop the car.’’ No response, ‘’stop the car, dumbass.’’

He shoved Shizuo in the arm and Shizuo braked hard on an empty road. It was starting to get dark.

‘’The hell, flea!?’’

‘’What’s up?’’ Izaya asked sternly, ‘’you’re all tense and your hands have been glued to the steering wheel since we set out. You’re going at a ridiculously slow pace and you’re not reacting to my disses. So what is it?’’

Shizuo just shook his head.

‘’Spit it out. I’m not letting you drive in that state.’’

Shizuo swallowed, ‘’jus’ don’t like driving,’’ he muttered.

‘’Why?’’

Shizuo shrugged.

‘’You’re scared you’ll lose control, is that it?’’ Izaya challenged and Shizuo looked away. Izaya sighed in annoyance, ‘’you should have just told me, you idiot. Here, I’ll drive.’’

‘’No. Then we’ll definitely die.’’ Shizuo murmured.

Izaya sighed again, ‘’okay, look, I’ll shut up so you won’t get provoked so you’re not gonna lose control. Worst case scenario is we crash into a tree and mess the car up. I’d still rather do that than lug bottled water all the way ho-‘’ he stopped himself and cleared his throat, ‘’all the way to the house. So get your shit together and drive.’’

Shizuo didn’t look convinced, ‘’what if I crash into someone else?’’

Izaya swept his hand in the empty space of the car, ‘’there’s no one on this road, Shizu-chan. It’s well past the oldies’ bed time and if you don’t get a move on, the shop will close and we’ll starve.’’

Shizuo swallowed thickly and started the car again, ‘’if something happens, it’s not my fault.’’

‘’Yeah it bloody is,’’ Izaya snapped and then added reluctantly, ‘’but I won’t blame you.’’

>>>*<<<

Izaya and Shizuo arrived without any crashes to a supermarket that wasn’t much bigger than a Tesco Express. The first things were easy to find – there were some basic, questionably fresh fruits and vegetables and bread and pasta were easy to find. But it never went smoothly.

‘’Not tomatoes. I hate tomatoes.’’ Izaya said firmly.

‘’Well, I like them.’’

‘’Take one, then. Two, maybe. Quiet taking the whole bunch,’’ Izaya glared at Shizuo, who spread his hands.

‘’They only come in bunches.’’

Izaya groaned, like it was Shizuo’s fault, ‘’well, take a few off then!’’

Shizuo put his hand on his heart, ‘’swear I’ll eat them.’’

Izaya kissed his teeth but let Shizuo put the tomatoes in a little plastic bag and stalked off to get a head of iceberg lettuce. He was so _off_ lately. Maybe it was because Shizuo hadn’t gone off on him like he expected, and had even been nice at times. Well, nice was a stretch. Decent, though. Humane. He wasn’t acting like the beast Izaya expected him to be, and it was pissing him off. Izaya didn’t like surprises.

Careful not to toss money around, Izaya picked out a bag of miserable looking apples and a few oranges and tossed them into the cart Shizuo was steering much more confidently than the car. The bread and pasta were in the isle next door to the pathetic fruit & veg section. Izaya decided one packet of pasta and one of rice was enough for once, but then came the bread.

‘’Whoa, hold up, what are you taking?’’

Shizuo gave Izaya a weird look, ‘’bread.’’

‘’Not that one. Gross. That’s tesco value, it’s ought to be disgusting,’’ Izaya browsed the section carefully. He rarely ate bread. He was more of a sushi person. Sushi! He’d kill for some now. When he did get bread, though, he got the good quality one. But there seemed to be none. Finally he picked out a packet of sesame seed, brown toaster bread.

‘’That is so specific,’’ Shizuo said impatiently, ‘’you do realise there’s two of us.’’

‘’Whatever, you’ll eat anything.’’ Izaya said off handedly.

Shizuo plucked the bread from his hand, ‘’no, I won’t. This stuff looks gross and organic.’’

‘’Well, yours looks cheap and…and it doesn’t even look like bread.’’

Shizuo rolled his eyes, ‘’that’s stupid.’’

An elderly shop worker came by, smiling dreamily. Her eyes were half closed with wrinkles and she didn’t seem to be aware of the argument, ‘’we will be closing in half an hour, dearies. Please hurry to the check out.’’ And she waddled past.

Shizuo sighed, grabbed both breads and put them in the cart, moving on quickly before Izaya could protest. Shizuo thanked god that Izaya wasn’t vegetarian as he put an assortment of chickens and fish into the cart. If they froze them, it would save them from coming here again too soon. Shizuo placed a six pack of strawberry yoghurt in next to the big bottle of milk and two cartons of eggs and a bag of flour, and Izaya pretended not to notice. Shizuo also pretended he didn’t see Izaya slipping sweets into the cart, like a little kid. Izaya spent ages on the tea section, finally picking out a box that would probably taste exactly the same as the one they had at home. When Shizuo pointed this out, Izaya flipped him off.

It was up to Shizuo to heave down two eight packs of bottled water, which he did with ease. He caught Izaya glancing at him enviously. Butter and toilet paper were easy enough. They found washing up liquid (they only had Fairy) easily too, although there seemed to be no sign of plates. Izaya finally decided that the few chipped ones they had at their house would have to do. As for ‘’canned stuff’’ Shizuo decided baked beans and canned fruit were sufficient.

‘’Why do we need pain killers?’’ Izaya asked, studying the list, ‘’I thought you don’t feel pain.’’

‘’They’re for you. Take plasters, too.’’ Shizuo said simply and Izaya got a strange feeling he’d be needing them soon. With that thought in mind, he tossed a pack of Paracetamol inside the cart, not looking at Shizuo. It was closely followed by a pack of band aids.

There was no table cloth either.

‘’Well, it’s not like we’re gonna be eating together, or at the table, anyway,’’ Izaya shrugged, looking at the list again, ‘’and what’s with ‘spag. Sauce’?’’

‘’Spaghetti sauce,’’ Shizuo shrugged, ‘’I like spaghetti.’’

Izaya decided there was no point arguing, if Shizuo was willing to make semi-home-made spaghetti. He let the blond put several jars inside the cart. The shampoo and shower gel section was very limited, as was the medicine section.

Izaya leaned down, ‘’um, female, female…strawberry. Kiwi,’’ he picked up the bottle and put it back, ‘’scratch that. It’s for kids. Oh, male!’’ he frowned, ‘’oh, they only have that gross one.’’

Shizuo took it from his hand, ‘’take the strawberry one, then.’’ He said, putting it in the cart. Izaya sighed, took another bottle, grabbed shampoo from the same brand, and added toothpaste on top of that. They rode on.

‘’Wha- I swear you already took jam!’’ Izaya exclaimed when Shizuo put three jars of preserves into the cart, shaking his head, ‘’I don’t even like jam.’’

‘’Take something else then. What do you want, cheese?”

Izaya thought about it, ‘’I…don’t really eat sandwiches.’’

Shizuo shrugged, ‘’you’ll eat them with jam, then. Or butter, whatever.’’

Izaya shook his head and sighed, ‘’let’s just go pay.’’

They found matches and batteries by the counter. There was no self check out so they waited ten minutes while the elderly lady scanned their items at snail-pace, packing the items into bags. Shizuo had to help her with the heavier stuff. Izaya reached out to take the plastic bags and was surprised when Shizuo swooped them all up, leaving one behind. He was about to argue, but Shizuo was already half way to the doors, so Izaya thanked the woman and hurried after him.

‘’You don’t have to carry-‘’

‘’The car is just there,’’ Shizuo said casually, ‘’dig the keys out, though. My hands are taken.’’

‘’Please don’t tell me they’re in the back pocket.’’

‘’Front’’

Izaya used his free fingers to gingerly dig out the keys from Shizuo’s pocket, trying not to feel his leg through the material. He opened the car and they tossed the groceries into the boot, struggling to close it and eventually leaning against it.

Shizuo exhaled heavily.

‘’Mission complete,’’ Izaya glanced at Shizuo, ‘’somehow a high-five in this situation would feel awkward.’’

‘’Yeah.’’

Izaya puckered his lips, ‘’wanna kiss?’’

Shizuo rolled his eyes and got behind the wheel.

The ride back to the house was a slow one as it was already dark and Shizuo was even more tense. Izaya’s snappy, annoyed remarks didn’t help either. Eventually Shizuo told him to shut up and, to his surprise, the raven did. When they finally rolled into their ‘driveway’ Shizuo was mentally exhausted and Izaya was bored out of his mind. Once again Shizuo grabbed all the groceries from the boot. Inside, Izaya decided to take care of the fridge, leaving Shizuo to the shelves (mostly cuz he couldn’t reach the top ones). He gingerly put milk and eggs into the fridge, which he realised was quite small, now that there was actual food to put in there, while Shizuo stacked up the flour and sweets.

Even though he said he wouldn’t, Shizuo cleaned his bathroom and then washed himself. When he was finally done, Izaya was already dozing off under the covers.

‘’If you hug me,’’ he murmured, half-asleep, ‘’I’ll cut off your fingers.

‘’Noted,’’ Shizuo said, turning off the lights.  


	5. I DON'T WANT TO SMELL LIKE AMMONIA YOU FUCKING CUNT

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> HI GUYS!  
> OMG it has been TIME since i updated. I've started 6th form so I have loads of work (lol, that's a lie, I don't do my work) and I'm gonna go job hunting and-  
> Okay, okay, the truth is I spend all my free time writing my Haikyuu prompts because I'm a sucker for that. But, since Shizaya remains my one true pairing, I thought it'd be only reasonable to update!  
> Anyway, enjoy!

July 23rd

It was getting hotter. Izaya really started to appreciate his life in Tokyo – at least, after work, he could go out to Russian Sushi or go for a walk to admire his humans. He could meet his clients face to face, which was much more interesting and practical than contacting all his informators and browsing the internet for info and then sending everything in a long-ass email to the client. And his apartment had been so cool in the summer.

Here, his house was boiling. All the windows were open wide, the freezer was stacked high with ice cream and wherever Izaya went, the fan followed. And yet he was still too hot to do any work so he lay about for most of the day, bored out of his mind. Shizuo had left in the morning to go to his new job and he still wasn’t back. If he was around at least Izaya could annoy him and have some fun.

Frustrated with his boredom, Izaya trailed himself upstairs to the attic. The room was still untouched, bare. Lonely. The dark wood made it almost gloomy as there was only one triangular window spilling light from the roof. An idea sparked in Izaya’s head and he bundled downstairs to one of the boxes. Inside were all the things the government had given them as their wedding gifts; the standard, useless stuff. A candle, one of those big family photo frames, a set of glasses, two cups (already in the cupboard) and a two tins of paint. Izaya lugged them upstairs and decided to have some fun.

A couple of hours later Shizuo found Izaya, splattered in paint. One whole wall was painted light blue. The paint had dripped onto the floor, but Izaya didn’t care. He felt satisfied, having done something.

‘’What the hell?’’ Shizuo stopped at the doorway, looking at Izaya’s messy paint-job.

‘’I’ve decided to paint the attic,’’ Izaya said, throwing his arms wide open. Some of the paint splattered onto an un-painted wall, ‘’oops!’’ he grinned.

Shizuo walked up to the wall and cringed, ‘’that is _so_ uneven,’’ he looked at the other tin of paint, unopened, ‘’if you paint it that colour, it’ll look like a room for a kid.’’

Izaya sobered, giving a cruel laugh, ‘’who’d wanna have kids with you, Shizu-chan?’’

‘’What’s with that comment?’’ Shizuo looked irked, ‘’are you trying to make the situation worse than it is?’’

‘’It’s already pretty bad,’’ Izaya laughed again.

Shizuo shook his head, ‘’I think the sun’s melted your brain.’’

‘’At least I have a brain to melt, not like someone,’’ Izaya said merrily.

Shizuo lost it.

‘’Can’t you fucking try and make this work? This doesn’t have to be a fucking war!’’

Izaya put on a bored expression, ‘’what, like you’re trying?’’

‘’Yeah, I am, actually.’’

Izaya snorted, ‘’oh my god, that was you _trying_?’’ he cracked up, ‘’nice _try_ , Shizu-chan.’’ He was being cruel, he knew that. He was doing it on purpose. Izaya waited for Shizuo to snap at him, to yell, to punch him, so it’d be like before. So there wouldn’t be this strange, comfortable familiarity that made Izaya feel weird anymore. But Shizuo just shook his head, real hurt shining in his eyes, turned on his heel and left Izaya alone in the attic, the brush hanging from his hand miserably.

|||*|||

That night, Shizuo stole Izaya’s blankets.

‘’Oh hell no,’’ Izaya tugged on the blankets that were over Shizuo, futilely, ‘’you are not nicking my covers. It’s not even cold!’’

‘’Then your should be fine without,’’ Shizuo grumbled.

Izaya hissed at him, ‘’if this is about the comments today, then I’m not apologising. You’re acting like a brat. Let. Go,’’ Izaya struggled to pull the covers off Shizuo and when the blond let go, he toppled off the bed with a yelp. His legs flew into the air and back onto the bed as Izaya’s back hit the floor.

He rubbed his face with his hands, tired, ‘’I hate you,’’ he groaned.

Shizuo’s face peered down at him, ‘’you okay?’’

Izaya removed his hands, ‘’do I look okay?’’ he snapped. Shizuo looked at him. He looked… well, with his head messy from the struggle and his face heated from embarrassment, in his little shorts he looked…almost cute, ‘’stop staring at me. Creep.’’ Izaya huffed, standing up. Shizuo mutely put the covers on Izaya’s side and lay down on his, turning his back to the raven. Izaya tossed half of the covers carelessly over the monster, ‘’here. There’s enough for both of us.’’

‘’I don’t actually want them.’’

‘’Aha!’’ Izaya said, triumphal, ‘’I knew it was just you being petty.’’

‘’Is this your idea of an apology?’’

Izaya flicked the lamp off, ‘’I told you; I’m not apologising.’’

|||*|||  


‘’I’m sorry.’’

It was Sunday and Shizuo was making breakfast. Sleepy, but lured in by the smell, Izaya made his way to the kitchen in his PJs to find Shizuo by the stove. The blond was humming softly, turning on the gas in just his boxers and socks. He looked surprisingly…domestic. Normal. And the sight of him…it just made Izaya blurt the words out.

‘’I’m sorry.’’ Shizuo turned, surprise registering in his eyes. Suddenly embarrassed at how seriously he’d said the words he flung his arms around Shizuo’s neck and gave him a shit-eating grin, ‘’forgive me, my dear husband, for all my wrongs.’’

Shizuo rolled his eyes, shaking him off, and pouring something onto the pan, ‘’quit taking the piss.’’

Izaya put a hand to his heart, ‘’does my apology not please you? Tell me; how can I fix what I have broken?’’ he asked dramatically.

‘’By sitting down and shutting the fuck up.’’

Izaya obediently sat down on a stool by the counter. Two seconds later, he spoke, ‘’what are we having, husband?’’

‘’I told you to shut up,’’ Shizuo growled, ‘’and if you call me ‘husband’ one more time, I won’t feed you.’’

Izaya leaned over the pan, ‘’pancakes, huh? Who knew you could cook even this, Shizu-chan.’’

‘’Not everyone is as entitled as you, Izaya. I didn’t have a maid.’’ Shizuo snapped. Izaya ignored him, watching curiously as he slid a brown, fluffy pancake onto the plate.

‘’I want jam.’’

‘’Put it on yourself then.’’ Shizuo snapped, going to the cupboards and stretching up to get more flour. Izaya’s eyes travelled to his stomach. It was well muscled, as were his arms. Izaya could almost imagine him squeezing the life out of him. He flinched, quickly smearing his pancake with jam.

‘’Thanks for the meal!’’

‘’Kiss me ass.’’

Izaya spoke around his pancake, ‘’don’t be disgusting.’’

‘’Oh, speaking of disgusting,’’ Shizuo reached for a box at the end of the counter that Izaya hadn’t noticed, ‘’we could have a ‘marriage’ inspection any time starting today to the end of the month. So, like a good husband,’’ he reached into the box and tossed something at Izaya, ‘’put this on.’’ Izaya easily caught the shining, golden wedding ring that they had used during the ceremony and then never again. Sighing, he put the ring onto his finger. After all, they had to pretend to be in love in every sense. Shizuo slipped his on as well, ‘’and keep the comments on the low when the inspector comes.’’

Izaya scowled, ‘’you don’t have to tell me. I’m not stupid, unlike you.’’

Shizuo gave him a pointed look, slipping off another pancake onto the plate, ‘’see what I mean?’’

|||*|||  


‘’Izaya,’’ a box appeared in Izaya’s line of vision, ‘’can you tell me how to apply this?’’

‘’can’t you read Japanese?’’ Izaya took the box of bleach and read the back, ‘’you just do it normally. Like, put it in the bottle, apply to hair, blah, blah, blah… haven’t you done this before?’’

‘’New brand,’’ Shizuo looked embarrassed, taking the box from him, ‘’thanks.’’

‘’Hold up,’’ Izaya jumped off the bed, putting down his novel, ‘’what are you doing?’’

‘’Dying my hair,’’ Shizuo pointed to his head, ‘’my roots are showing.’’

It was true. The top of Shizuo’s head was brown. Izaya hadn’t even noticed, ‘’I’ll do it for you,’’ he said, ‘’before you burn your hair off. Know my good will.’’

Shizuo didn’t even protest, ‘’really? Thanks.’’ And then in one swift movement he pulled his shirt over his head.

‘’What,’’ Izaya said icily, ‘’are you doing?’’

‘’If the bleach gets on my shirt, it’ll fade it,’’ Shizuo said innocently, ‘’you should take yours off too.’’

Hesitantly, Izaya pulled his black t-shirt over his head and folded it, putting it at the bottom of the bed. He started towards the kitchen, but stopped, catching sight of them in the mirror. Shizuo; tanned compared to him, with a ridiculously muscled stomach and muscular arm, broad shouldered, tall… and then Izaya; short, pale, his stomach thin and smooth, his arms kind of like spaghetti strings next to Shizuo. Shizuo looked in the mirror and his eyes slid over Izaya’s reflection.

‘’What do you _eat_?’’ Izaya asked, hands on hips.

‘’It’s genes,’’ Shizuo shrugged.

‘’Fuck your genes.’’

‘’Hey! Fuck yours too.’’

Izaya smirked, ‘’god, our child would be like Frankenstein’s monster.’’

Shizuo started towards the bathroom, ‘’yeah, but who would want to have a child with me anyway?’’

Izaya blanched, half-running in after him, ‘’don’t tell me that comment got to you,’’ he threw his hands in the air helplessly, ‘’I was kidding! I’m sure there’s some perfectly sane person somewhere out there who wouldn’t mind. I just…don’t know anyone.’’

‘’Thanks,’’ Shizuo said icily. Izaya felt the need to say something but, coming up with nothing, he instead grabbed the bleach and mixed it via the instructions, ‘’it doesn’t need to be done well. Just cover the roots,’’ Shizuo sounded irked as he sat down on the floor and leaned his head against the bathtub. Izaya sat on the rim, his hands covered in the plastic gloves and dabbed the bleach into his hair, covering the roots and wrinkling his nose, ‘’oh god, ammonia. Gross. Please sleep on the couch.’’

‘’You wish.’’

An awkward silence descended on the room as Izaya rubbed the bleach into strands of hair, trying to make it less intimate than it felt. God, why did he volunteer? Did he actually feel guilty about the child comment? He glanced down at Shizuo. He was looking around the bathroom, almost like…he was trying to avoid Izaya’s eyes. Suddenly feeling strangely embarrassed, Izaya soaked Shizuo’s roots in the bleach, and making sure none of it got in his eyes, and dumped some of the purple shampoo onto his hair. He rubbed it until it bubbled and then turned the water on.

‘’Rinse it properly.’’

‘’I won’t,’’ Izaya said sweetly and then sighed, ‘’are you one of those people that bleaches it twice?’’

‘’Nah. Once is fine.’’

‘’Thank the lord.’’

‘’You volunteered.’’

Izaya continued to rinse Shizuo’s hair out, ‘’don’t make me turn the temperature up.’’

‘’You know I don’t feel pain.’’ Izaya flicked his forehead and Shizuo jerked, ‘’ouch! The hell!?’’

‘’What, I thought you felt no pain!’’ Izaya laughed, grabbing a towel and tossing it onto Shizuo’s head.

‘’I…I was just startled,’’ Shizuo mumbled, patting his hair.

‘’Come one,’’ Izaya was still laughing, ‘’the box said we need to blow dry it.’’

He plugged in the blow drier as Shizuo sat at the foot of the bed, fingering his freshly bleached hair. The smell of ammonia was strong, making Izaya wrinkle his nose. He leaned back as he turned the blow drier on so his eyes wouldn’t water. Shizuo closed his eyes and leaned against Izaya’s hand as the raven brushed the strands over and over, trying to dry them evenly.

‘’You’re such a cat,’’ Izaya murmured, low enough so Shizuo couldn’t hear over the hum of the drier. Once Shizuo’s hair was dry, Izaya sniffed his hands, cringed, and went to wash them vigorously. Shizuo sat in front of the mirror, looking at his hair.

‘’Good job,’’ he said when Izaya came back out. In response Izaya grabbed his deodorant and sprayed Shizuo’s hair.

‘’As a thank you, you can sleep on the couch.’’

|||*|||

‘’What are you doing?’’ Izaya flicked on the light to find Shizuo on the couch, no covers or pillows.

‘’I’m…sleeping on the couch. Like you told me to.’’ He said, surprised.

Izaya face-palmed, ‘’idiot, it was a joke. Get back to bed.’’

Shizuo sat up and raise an eyebrow, ‘’I didn’t think the day would come when you would want to sleep in the same bed as me.’’

Izaya rolled his eyes, flicking the lights off, ‘’you never know when the inspector will come. But suit yourself.’’

‘’I will,’’ Shizuo said and padded after Izaya into the bedroom.


	6. I DON'T WANT TO DROWN (thank you very much)

24th August

A month and a day later, the inspector arrived.

Shizuo was more nervous than he expected; now that their ‘relationship’ was being analysed, he realised how…not in love Shizuo and Izaya seemed. The two had built up a fragile truce over the two months that they had lived together as a married couple. It wasn’t exactly friendship, not yet, and maybe it’d never be thanks to Shizuo’s temper and Izaya’s inability to keep his snarky remarks to himself. But now, they realised; they had to dig out their acting skills and use them to full potential. Their freedom from the army and war depended on it.

Shizuo tried not to seem nervous as he sat next to Izaya, their wedding rings on their fingers, and with the inspector opposite them. It was a young woman, twenty something, in a flowery dress and glasses. She was preparing to ‘ask them a few simple questions’, her tea in front of her. Izaya had mouthed ‘ _let me talk_ ’ at Shizuo, so the brute kept his mouth shut.

‘’Okay, let’s begin,’’ the inspector was perky, ‘’I hope I don’t take up your whole day. So…what made you fall in love? I’m sorry if this is a bit personal, but I have heard rumours…’’

‘’Not at all,’’ Izaya said with a perfectly practiced, pleasant smile, ‘’it is true that Shizu-chan and myself had a…dislike for each other. But you know what they say – there’s a thin line between hate and love,’’ Izaya laughed and the inspector nodded eagerly, like she understood, scribbling something down in her notepad. To add authenticity, Izaya slipped his hand into Shizuo’s. The blond stiffened and Izaya jabbed his fingernails into his palm, a clear message ‘ _loosen the fuck up or you’ll wreck the whole image of a happy couple_.’

Shizuo forced himself to practically slump down and kind-of hold Izaya’s hand. It was cool, his finger long. It kind of felt like holding a skeleton’s hand. He definitely had to eat more. The inspector glanced at their interlocked hands and smiled sweetly, taking a sip of her tea. She glanced at Shizuo, who suddenly felt like he was under fire.

‘’Shizuo-san, what is your favourite physical feature about your husband?’’

Shit. Shit. He had to reply imiediatly or it’d become suspicious but his mind went blank. If he said his face or eyes it’d be cheesy but saying his body made Shizuo feel awkward and…Izaya squeezed Shizuo’s hand. It wasn’t comforting or loving – it was the ‘ _get a grip_ ’ squeeze, but it gave Shizuo an idea.

‘’His hands,’’ he said quickly, ‘’I like his hands.’’

Izaya masked his surprise with a quick laugh, ‘’Jheez, honey, that’s embarrassing,’’ he even blushed, but Shizuo didn’t think that bit was faked. I mean – who could blush just like that? He glanced at Izaya’s hand in his own. It was nice, there was no denying it. The slender fingers were elegant, the hand small in Shizuo’s, the skin pale. Paired with the coldness of his skin, Izaya could have been some otherworldly creature.

‘’Interesting,’’ the inspector said, noting something down, ‘’so, tell me, how has it been, living together?’’

‘’It’s lovely, having someone around,’’ Izaya said, smiling, ‘’I like waiting for him to get back from work.’’

The inspector nodded eagerly, ‘’what about you, Shizuo-san. How have you been settling in?’’

Shizuo cleared his throat awkwardly, ‘’it’s…nice.’’

Izaya masked Shizuo’s bad acting with a laugh, ‘’Shizu-chan is super embarrassed around other people, aren’t you, sweetie?’’ Shizuo nodded, even though he wanted to wring his neck out.

‘’Aw, it’s like a personality reversal,’’ the inspector laughed, nothing something down.

‘’Yes, indeed. But in bed we retain our normal roles,’’ Izaya said easily and they both laughed happily, as if Izaya hadn’t just said anything outrageous.

‘’Do you mind if I see the house?’’

‘’Of course not,’’ Izaya stood up, dropping Shizuo’s hand, and led the inspector upstairs. Shizuo trailed after them, ‘’you’ve already seen the kitchen,’’ Izaya said as they walked up the stairs, ‘’and this is the bedroom.’’

‘’Very nice,’’ the inspector peeked in, ‘’you both sleep on the bed?’’

‘’Of course.’’

She nodded, scribbling something down, ‘’very nice,’’ she muttered again. She inspected the rooms, nodding approvingly, and then they got to the attic, ‘’oh, you’re painting it blue! Are you perhaps considering adoption?’’ she asked, delighted.

Izaya didn’t miss a beat, ‘’it’d be lovely to have a little boy, yes. But we’re thinking in a few years time, perhaps.’’

Shizuo had to give him props for being such a good fucking liar. His words rang in his head, ‘ _who’d want to have kids with you, Shizu-chan?_ ’ It still stung. Nodding approvingly, the inspector went back downstairs where she finished her tea, making small talk with Izaya and then cleared out, thanking them both.

‘’Good job,’’ Shizuo said. He was drained mentally. The visit made him wonder how much of  Izaya’s rare nice-ness was an act.

‘’On my part, yes,’’ Izaya was watching the doors, as if he was worried the woman would come back, ‘’she was a full out Fujoshi. As long as we act like the perfect gay couple, she’ll be happy.’’

Shizuo shook his head, ‘’you’re too good at analysing people.’’

‘’It is my job,’’ Izaya stretched and glanced at Shizuo, ‘’let’s go to the beach.’’

‘’Huh?’’

‘’We haven’t been yet. And it’s literally outside our house,’’ with each word, Izaya seemed more convinced that this was a great idea, ‘’it’s still summer. We can go swimming. Look, it’s boiling outside,’’ Izaya was already putting his shoes on, ‘’come on.’’

‘’Why don’t you go alone?’’ Shizuo was surprised at how empty his words sounded.

Izaya scowled, ‘’because I want to go alone,’’ Shizuo wondered if this was another elaborate plan to amuse Izaya. But then the raven’s expression softened, ‘’I can tell you’re still annoyed at that comment about kids I made. Let me make it up to you,’’ when Shizuo didn’t move, he sighed dramatically, ‘’come on, the tension between us is gonna snap and hit me in the face. Just…come on, okay?’’

Shizuo scanned his face and finally put his shoes on.

|||*|||

The water was cold. It sent an icy shock down Shizuo’s body as he sailed through the humid air and hit the cool water. For a second he saw nothing, deep beneath the waves. It was beautiful. Peaceful. The blaring light broke through the water, illuminating it into a light, shimmering blue. Shizuo kicked his feet and broke the surface, gasping and pulling his hair out of his face.

‘’Shizuo! Did you die?’’ Izaya called, not looking in the direction of the sea as he spread a blanket on a little secluded part of the beach. They had found a private spot at the foot of the cliff, with the beach separated by two jutting out rocks from the rest of it. Izaya reckoned the little safe haven got completely submerged during tide-in, ‘’I told you not to jump off the cliff.’’

‘’Well, I wanted to,’’ Shizuo called, swimming a little farther out, ‘’come on in.’’

‘’I’m not good with water,’’ Izaya called, tucking his legs to his chest and watching Shizuo with a sly grin, ‘’you swim on though, little mermaid.’’

Shizuo flipped him off, ‘’I won’t forgive you for that comment if you don’t get in.’’ the water had washed off his sadness and filled his emptiness. Now he was giddy, like a little kid on his annual trip to the beach.

‘’I don’t need your forgiveness,’’ Izaya called, but there was something sweet in it. Shizuo found himself grinning at that sound.

‘’I thought you didn’t like the tension!’’

‘’I thought you didn’t like me!’’ Izaya countered.

‘’I don’t! Get in here so I can drown you!’’

Izaya stuck his tongue out at Shizuo, but he stood, walking forward so the waves were gently lapping at his feet. It soothed his burning skin and suddenly he wanted to go in, even if a little further. He shrugged off his t-shirt, dropping it into the sand and submerged himself to the waist, sighing at the cold. Shizuo swam up to him, the water coming up to just below his chest. He extended his hand, ‘’come on.’’

Izaya knew he should give some snarky comment or joke at Shizuo’s expense, but the sun was making him drowsy, and the cool water was inviting, so he slipped his hand into Shizuo’s. Shizuo pulled him forward and with a yelp Izaya lunged himself at the blond, wrapping his legs around his waist.

‘’What the hell! Don’t do that! I’ll drown!’’ he yelled in his face.

Shizuo laughed, ‘’calm down. It’s not deep here.’’

‘’Liar.’’

‘’I’m touching the floor.’’

Suddenly aware of Shizuo’s warmth, Izaya slid off him, bracing himself for the water to cover his head, but his feet hit the murky ocean bed before his shoulders submerged fully.

‘’Oh,’’ he said, a little embarrassed that he made a big deal out of it. The embarrassment was quickly washed off as Izaya’s heated body cooled down, ‘’feels nice.’’

‘’Come on,’’ Shizuo said, taking his wrists, ‘’let’s swim.’’

‘’I can’t swim!’’ Izaya said, panicked once more.

‘’Calm down. I’ve got you,’’ Izaya’s face heated at those words and he almost wished he could dunk himself underwater so Shizuo wouldn’t see. The blond didn’t seem to care either way, walking backward, submerging more and more until Izaya had to keep his head up to keep the water out of his nose.

Shizuo raised his eyebrows, giving Izaya a smirk, ‘’check it out – it’s a hole,’’ and he pulled them both underwater, Izaya’s shriek cut off. His first thought was that he was going to drown. His second was that obviously he wasn’t, Shizuo was holding onto him. His third was that – shit, Shizuo was trying to drown him. His eyes shot open, despite the salt water, and he saw Shizuo a few inches in front of him, his hands still holding his wrists. When he saw Izaya’s open eyes he grinned, bubbles of oxygen escaping his mouth. Izaya flipped him off. Underwater his hair seemed almost white, floating around his head. He looked a little like an angel. Shizuo’s smile turned into a frown and he pulled them both upwards, breaking the surface.

‘’What?’’ Izaya challenged, blinking water out of his eyes.

‘’You were staring at me.’’

Izaya laughed, ‘’you’re seeing things. I’m done. You’re a dickhead. Take me to the shore,’’ Izaya demanded, still grinning. Shizuo rolled his eyes and hauled Izaya out of the air, flipping him over his shoulder. The raven sighed dramatically, ‘’you get a chance to carry me and you’re being a brute about it.’’

Another eye-roll later, Izaya found himself in Shizuo’s arms, carried bridal-style, ‘’happy, princess?’’

Izaya gave his best exaggerated grin, ‘’of course.’’

|||*|||

They had spent the rest of the day reading the book on the beach (Izaya) and swimming (Shizuo). The blond had even ran up to the house to get some snacks when Izaya got hungry. Then they watched the sunset together, a safe distance apart, Izaya bundled in the blanket he had been sitting on all day. And then they went back home.

‘’That was fun,’’ Izaya said, stretching after the shower, ‘’we should do it again sometime.’’

‘’Yeah,’’ Shizuo said, tapping something into his phone before setting it on the bedside table, ‘’I’m gonna take a bath.’’

‘’Enjoy. I’m going to sleep.’’

‘’Goodnight,’’ Shizuo grabbed his PJs.

‘’Night,’’ Izaya settled into bed.

After he emerged from the bath, Shizuo hesitantly tucked his hand under Izaya’s pillow and felt around. No knife. He checked the side of the bed, Izaya’s hands and the bedside table. No knife.

He smiled.


	7. I DON'T WANT TO HUG

September 18th

‘’I am done,’’ Izaya announced, turning the hair dryer off, ‘’your roots are showing again! It’s been three months!’’

Shizuo looked up at him from the floor, ‘’that’s kind of how hair dye works.’’

Izaya kissed his teeth, ‘’that’s it. You’re not dyeing it again.’’

‘’But I look weird with brown hair.’’

‘’Shut up. I see bleach around this house, I’ll toss it out. End of discussion,’’ Izaya turned the hair drier on again and ran his hand through the half-damp strands of Shizuo’s hair. He may or may not have heard Shizuo go ‘ok mom’. Izaya wound a strand of Shizuo’s hair around his finger and sighed. It was harsh under his fingertips thanks to the bleach . He wondered what it would look like and feel like when it was brown and natural. He dropped the strand.

 _Not_ like he was going to be touching Shizuo’s hair.

He turned off the drier and Shizuo unplugged it. Then he just leaned against Izaya’s legs, running his hand through his hair.

‘’Do I look like a chair?’’ Izaya said but there was no bite in his words. Shizuo turned around and rolled his eyes, but Izaya spotted something, ‘’wait,’’ he stood up and touched his fingers to something he hadn’t seen before. A faint white scar a little to the left of his heart, ‘’what’s this?’’

Shizuo suddenly looked uncomfortable. He took Izaya’s hand and took it away from the scar, ‘’um…just a scar.’’

‘’Liar,’’ Izaya’s eyes narrowed, ‘’tell me.’’ Shizuo looked away and Izaya sighed in annoyance, ‘’I’m your husband.’’

‘’Only in name,’’ Shizuo said quietly and Izaya felt a painful stab in his heart.

‘’Shizu-chan,’’ he urged his tone to be soft, gentle, ‘’tell me what this is. Please.’’

Shizuo sighed, running his hand through his hair again and finally speaking, uncertainly, ‘’this is…the scar from when I got stabbed.’’

Izaya looked at him sternly, ‘’who stabbed you?’’

Shizuo shrugged and looked away, ‘’I did.’’

Something inside Izaya broke and he was suddenly overcome with an emotion he wasn’t used to. Sadness. For someone else. He was almost too scared to ask, but he did, ‘’why?’’

Another shrug, like it wasn’t a big deal, ‘’I figured I was gonna hurt someone…so…I just…’’ he shook his head, ‘’it doesn’t matter. It didn’t work. Didn’t get the heart, woke up and my mother begged me never to do it again so…it wasn’t painful or anything.’’

Izaya’s mouth was dry, ‘’how old were you?’’

‘’…fourteen.’’

Izaya’s hand came back, curling against the scar, ‘’please don’t do that ever again,’’ his voice was quiet. Shizuo made a move like he wanted to touch Izaya’s hand but stopped himself. The raven cleared his throat and clapped his hands, forcing a grin, ‘’this has been depressing. Let’s make some lunch.’’ He glanced over at Shizuo, who still hadn’t moved, ‘’oh, and the shower head finally came, so change it for me!’’

|||*|||

That night was the first cold one in months.

Izaya took a nice long, hot shower now that his shower head was regulated to the perfect pressure and stepped out of the bathroom. Immiediatly his warmed body was cooled down by the cold air and he ran to the bedroom, wishing he’d dried his skin better before wiggling into PJs. And he wished he had long-sleeved ones. He closed the bedroom door quickly, as if he could keep out the chill, but the room wasn’t much better. Izaya rubbed his arms, annoyed.

‘’We need to turn up the heating.’’

‘’No point,’’ Shizuo said from the bed where he was already lying down, ‘’that’ll just make the bills higher. It’s warm enough.’’

‘’Maybe for you and your monster skin-temperature,’’ Izaya hissed.

‘’Get dressed, then.’’

‘’These are my only PJs.’’ Izaya said accusingly, as if it was Shizuo’s fault.

Shizuo pulled back the covers and extended his arm to Izaya, ‘’I guess you’ll just have to come and let me warm you up.’’ Izaya flipped him off. Shizuo shrugged, putting his arm down slowly, deliberately, ‘’suit yourself.’’

Izaya stood in the spot for a second, shivering, before groaning and stalking to the bed. He slipped under the covers, ‘’I hate you,’’ he grumbled, scooting closer to Shizuo.

With an impatient sight Shizuo grabbed his arm and pulled him to him so his head was on his chest. Izaya wanted to complain but he was immiediatly overwhelmed by Shizuo’s warmth and he couldn’t help but sight, feeling sleepy straight away. Shizuo took his arm and pulled it around his own stomach, keeping his fingers around Izaya’s forearm.

And Izaya liked it.

Shizuo’s other arm came to encircle the raven, rubbing absently at his back for a second. Izaya sighed.

‘’See?’’ Shizuo didn’t sound smug or satisfied, just sleepy and content, ‘’not that bad, is it?’’

Izaya didn’t reply, simply rubbing his cheek against Shizuo’s chest in response, as if he could rub away the scar underneath Shizuo’s t-shirt.


	8. I DON'T WANT TO KISS YOU

September 20th

‘’Teach me how to drive.’’

Shizuo looked up at Izaya in surprise, ‘’what?’’

Izaya sighed, ‘’are you deaf, Shizu-chan? I said teach me how to drive.’’

Shizuo turned back to his book, ‘’you know I hate driving.’’

‘’Yeah, I know, that’s why I wanna learn so I can get us to the supermarket. I’m not walking like yesterday. That was a pain,’’ he said matter of factly and when Shizuo didn’t yield he threw his arms in the air, ‘’come on Shizu-chan, it’s only in the back.’’ Shizuo ignored him so Izaya growled in annoyance, ‘’fine. I’ll teach myself. And maybe I’ll drive off the cliff on the way.’’

‘’Oh my god, _fine_ ,’’ Shizuo snapped, closing his book, ‘’you’re a pain.’’

‘’You’re a darling,’’ Izaya grinned cheekily, making Shizuo mutter swearwords under his breath as he tied his shoes.

‘’Put your coat on. It’s cold,’’ he said automatically.

‘’You don’t have to tell me, mom,’’ Izaya laughed, taking his fur-lined jacket off the peg.

‘’You should probably get something warmer. The wind around here is gonna get pretty bad.’’

‘’I like this one!’’ Izaya protested, tugging it on.

Shizuo rolled his eyes, ‘’I’ll get you’re a proper one for Christmas.’’

Izaya stopped, ‘’oh, yeah. Christmas.’’ He said hollowly.

Shizuo’s eyebrows shot up, ‘’you don’t celebrate?’’

Izaya shuffled on the spot, ‘’well, I do but…’’ he shrugged, ‘’my family never comes round and I never go there so…’’

‘’Oh,’’ Shizuo said, ‘’that’s pretty sad.’’

‘’Shut up,’’ Izaya snapped.

‘’No, I meant like-‘’

‘’Are we driving or not?’’ Izaya was already halfway through the doors, his face turned away from Shizuo. The blond wondered what kind of expression he had on his face. He forced himself not to care as he followed Izaya to his – their – Mercedes. Shizuo sat in the passenger seat as Izaya sat behind the wheel, gripping it with both his hands.

‘’I know the basics, so don’t worry Shizu-chan~’’ Izaya grinned.

Shizuo raised an eyebrow, ‘’what about the gearstick?’’

Izaya’s smirk fell a little, ‘’yeah, I always got confused with that.’’

Shizuo sighed and took the gearstick, ‘’kay, so how it is now is neutral. This,’’ he moved the stick to the left and up, ‘’if first,’’ he moved it back down for second and in a V for third, then back again, ‘’that’s fourth and this is fifth,’’ he moved it forward and right, ‘’get it?’’

Izaya hated to admit it, but he didn’t, ‘’can you repeat that?’’

So Shizuo did, until Izaya finally remembered, ‘’you shouldn’t be driving without a license,’’ Shizuo said.

‘’Says you,’’ Izaya laughed and tensed up when the blond reached across his chest to pull down the seatbelt across his chest and clipped it in. He buckled himself in too.

‘’Get the hand break.’’ Shizuo ordered and Izaya put his hand on it, but from then on, he was lost. And then he jumped when Shizuo’s warm hand covered his. He clicked the button, pulled up and then pushed down. It all took less than five seconds but suddenly Izaya felt really hot. And the inside of the car was very small, ‘’drive,’’ Shizuo said, oblivious to the state he put Izaya in.

Shaking off the weird feeling, Izaya drove. At first it was clumsy and Izaya went in too wide circles.

‘’You’re panicking,’’ Shizuo said, ‘’every time you need to turn, you turn like crazy. This isn’t a movie. Just relax.’’ If there was one thing Izaya hated, it was getting corrected by Shizuo. He gritted his teeth and forced himself to turn the wheel slower – the smallest change meant the car went in a smaller or larger circle. When he finally did a perfect turn, Shizuo said ‘’well done’’ and Izaya gave him a smug grin.

They drove for hours, Izaya not letting Shizuo leave until he mastered the driving and Shizuo was complaining that he was hungry. Grudgingly, teasing him mercilessly, Izaya parked the car messily by the house.

‘’We need to work on that.’’ Shizuo pointed out.

‘’Whatever,’’ Izaya took the keys from the ignition, ‘’let’s just go home.’’ He reached for the handle of the doors but Shizuo didn’t move, instead staring at Izaya with a twinkle in his eyes. Izaya gave him a confused look, ‘’what?’’

‘’You said ‘home’’’ Shizuo said with a grin.

Izaya groaned and half-shoved himself out of the car, ‘’stay here if you like!’’ he yelled, slamming the doors shut, but he was blushing furiously. He managed to get to the front doors of the house before Shizuo caught up with him. Izaya didn’t speak as he shuffled out of his shoes. Shizuo picked up the last tomato and threw it in the air, catching it easily and tossing it onto the cutting board.

‘’You want a sandwich?’’

‘’Oh, you’re my wife now?’’ Izaya gave him a sly smirk, finally working off his embarrassment.

Shizuo didn’t raise to the bait, ‘’ _someone_ has to provide us with food,’’ he said pointedly and threw the tomato in the air once more with a neat flick of his wrist. Something glinted on his finger.

‘’Why do you have your wedding ring on? It’s been nearly a month since the inspection,’’ he went to get the bread.

‘’Oh…I guess I forgot to take it off.’’

‘’Liar,’’ Izaya slammed the bread next to the cutting board and hauled himself onto the counter, his feet dangling in the air, ‘’I didn’t see it on yesterday – you must’ve put it on in the morning. Are you gay, Shizu-chan~?’’

‘’Get your filthy butt off the counter,’’ Shizuo said in response, gesturing with the knife.

‘’Don’t wave that about; you’ll poke someone’s eye out,’’ Izaya said and wiggled his bum against the counter, ‘’and for the record, my butt is not filthy. Why, do you dream about it at night, Shizu-chan~? Is that why you don’t need covers? Because the thought of me makes you so hot and bother-‘’

‘’Shut up, flea,’’ Shizuo snapped, using the nickname from a long time ago, ‘’you’re being disgusting,’’ but Izaya knew he hit his mark because Shizuo reached into his back pocket and pulled out a carton of blue American Spirit cigarettes – very particular, Izaya noted. He snatched the smoke out of Shizuo’s hand before the blond could light it and broke it in half, ‘’hey!’’

‘’Don’t smoke in the kitchen. It’s disgusting.’’ Izaya said bluntly.

Shizuo sighed in annoyance, ‘’I’ll smoke outside,’’ he took out another cigarette and Izaya grabbed that one too, breaking it also.

‘’What the fuck!? Those are expensive!’’

‘’Maybe if I break all of them, you won’t smoke. It’s gross,’’ Izaya tossed the two pieces carelessly towards the floor and Shizuo grabbed the front of his jacket, displaying the first real temper since their arrival.

‘’I will toss you off the cliff.’’

‘’Go on,’’ Izaya grinned, feeling the familiar thrill of going up against the beast rushing through his veins, ‘’but for the record, I won’t kiss you if you’re smoking.’’

Thrown off track, Shizuo turned scarlet and released him, ‘’I-I don’t want to k-kiss you!’’ he spluttered and Izaya laughed.

‘’Everyone wants to kiss me,’’ Izaya said with confidence, winking at Shizuo and jumping off the counter to go back to the bedroom, ‘’I’m waiting for the sandwich!’’


	9. I DON'T WANT TO FIGHT

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ooops I haven't updated for ages, don't hate me, ne~  
> This is like, a late xmas present.  
> Cuz I got a job and I have exams and I'm so focused on my Haikyuu prompts. Forgive me~

October 5th

Shizuo came home to find their bedroom – or, more specifically, his stuff – had been turned upside down. He stared wide eyed at the mess – his clothes were everywhere, his side of the bed left unmade, even though Izaya’s was neat as fuck. His charger was unplugged and literally thrown across the pile of stuff. The photos he kept in his spare wallet were all over the place. Feeling a familiar rage build up in him, Shizuo slammed the doors shut so hard they creaked in their frame and stomped up the stairs to the attic, where he knew the culprit was.

‘’Did you throw a fucking hissy fit!?’’ Shizuo demanded. Izaya regarded him calmly, going back to painting the walls unevenly. He had acquired more paint, not even the right shade so it didn’t match the other one, and was nearly done with the second wall, ‘’I swear to God all you do is paint and sulk. Go clean my shit up!’’ Izaya rolled his eyes at him, like he was a spoiled brat and went past him. Shizuo followed him down the stairs, wanting to see the raven clean up the mess he made but Izaya marched right past the bedroom and down the stairs. ‘’Hey! Didn’t you hear what I said?’’ Again he was ignored. He followed Izaya down to the kitchen and watched in disbelief as the raven made himself tea. Shizuo followed him, fuming, and Izaya narrowly escaped him, leaving the cupboard doors open, ‘’What the fuck!? You trash my stuff and you’re just going to drink _tea_!?’’

‘’Shut up, Shizu-chan,’’ Izaya said finally, rubbing his temple and sitting at the counter, ‘’you’re doing my head in.’’

‘’I…’’ Shizuo was at a loss of words, ‘’ _I’m_ doing _your_ head in!? Are you fucking stupid? You’re like a child – you whine and complain while I fucking work for this family and come home and have to make you food-‘’

‘’Did you just call me your family? God, you’re disgusting,’’ Izaya graced him with another eye roll, ‘’and for your information, you don’t do shit around here. You can’t drive down to the shops cuz you’re prissy and you can’t even wash your own pants. Like, what the fuck am I, the housewife?’’

‘’Oh, so you trashed my stuff because I didn’t do the laundry once.’’ Shizuo hissed.

‘’I’m sorry, once!? You probably don’t even know how the washing machine works,’’ Izaya was losing his temper now, ‘’why am I even talking to you? Of course you don’t know how to use it, you’re a fucking monster. But maybe you could at least ask me to do your washing before you-‘’

‘’Don’t start with the monster thing-‘’

‘’Oh, I’m sorry,’’ Izaya said mockingly, ‘’did I hurt poor Shizu’s feelings? Well, maybe you should hit me then, make yourself feel better. As they say, knock yourself out – or me, whichever one you prefer. Will that make you feel better, hmm?’’

‘’Shut up,’’ Shizuo growled.

‘’Actually, _please_ knock me out. Maybe I won’t have to listen to your yammering. I can’t even have a proper conversation with you! Not surprisingly, since your intelligence is like that of a five year old. Wait, I take that back, a five year old would make a much better conversation than you. Why don’t you just go and destroy something, eh? You’ll get arrested, hopefully, and I’ll have some peace and quiet-‘’

‘’I said shut up-‘’

‘’You shut up, Shizu-chan. Just shut up. I don’t want to hear you. I wish you could hear yourself talk sometimes. The things you say! Ha, it actually makes me feel pretty sorry for you, you know? And you know what else?’’ Izaya wanted to hurt him, badly, for once so he said it without thinking, ‘’of course I wouldn’t want to have kids with you! _Who_ would? No one, not even if you paid them. You’d make a shitty dad and the funny thing is you know it! So I don’t know where this delusion-‘’

‘’Shut the fuck up!’’ Shizuo roared, startling Izaya into silence and did the first thing he could to get rid of the anger; he slammed the cupboard Izaya left open shut. It closed so strongly that a chunk of the cupboard just came off and slammed to the floor while the doors swung open again.

The kitchen was silent.

Izaya was so stunned he couldn’t say anything and Shizuo was staring at the cupboard in horror. He lost his temper in front of his husband; something he promised he wouldn’t do. And now he ruined their home. Hesitantly, Shizuo reached up and weakly pushed the doors shut again. They bumped against the missing chunk and opened again. _Oh no_ , Shizuo thought, _Izaya hates open cupboards…_ He tried to close it again with no luck. His hands were shaking. He couldn’t find his voice, couldn’t apologise.

‘’It’s just a cupboard, Shizu…’’ Izaya said softly. He sounded apologetic and appeasing…oh no, was he scared of Shizuo now? Suddenly that thought became unbearable. He turned violently and went to the doors, shoving his feet into his shoes. Izaya was up on his feet in a second, but he didn’t move, ‘’Shizu, seriously, it’s just a cupboard-‘’ Shizuo was already out of the doors, going down to the little gate. The sun was setting and it was becoming really cold. Izaya grabbed Shizuo’s coat from the hook and ran after him, barefoot, ‘’hey, at least take your jacket-‘’ Izaya touched Shizuo’s shoulder.

Shizuo whipped around and shoved him, hard. Stunned once more, Izaya fell to the floor, his coat still in his hand. Shizuo looked at him in shock. As if the cupboard hadn’t been bad enough, now he had hurt Izaya, ‘’I’m fine…’’ Izaya said, his voice breaking. Why was he so desperate to keep Shizuo at home? But at the sound of Izaya’s voice, Shizuo’s heart broke. He was going to make him cry. The invincible Izaya Orihara was going to cry if he stayed any longer… he whipped around and went into the night, walking fast, and then he ran blindly, beyond the cliff, out of the reach of Izaya’s eyes.

Numb, Izaya walked back into their house. Inside, he felt lost. Without Shizuo, he had no purpose, really. All day he waited for him and when he came back, they were practically always in the same room. Izaya was shaking. He glanced at the cupboard. Breaking it had distressed Shizuo so much because…he knew Izaya hated open cupboards. Izaya sunk to his knees and looked at Shizuo’s jacket dumbly.

The first tear rolled down his cheek. He hadn’t cried, not for a long time. He couldn’t help the sob that racked his body and suddenly he was hugging Shizuo’s coat, sniffling into it, breathing Shizuo’s scent as if he could embrace the blond and tell him he was sorry. After all, it was Shizuo who was trying to make it work and Izaya who was destroying is efforts. Shizuo didn’t mind that Izaya was defacing their attic by painting it whether he was angry or annoyed; he didn’t mind sleeping without blankets when Izaya wanted to roll himself up in them; he had taken care of his hand when he slept with his knife, even though it was basically an insult to him, and they had still been enemies then… He had gotten a job to help support them, in case Izaya wouldn’t manage, he had driven even though he hated it and he even taught Izaya how to drive, he always made sure Izaya ate, he gave Izaya the better bathroom and didn’t care when Izaya trashed his, he made Izaya breakfast when he could, he initiated a better relationship by hugging him at night…

Shizuo was gentle and patient in everything he did for Izaya while the informator tried everything and anything to annoy and unbalance Shizuo for his own amusement. Not once had Shizuo fought with Izaya – it was always Izaya who initiated it. All Shizuo had been was kind. He considered Izaya his family. He even…maybe…wanted to adopt a kid. He really, really believed they could work it out, from the start, and all Izaya did was torment Shizuo and destroy, destroy, destroy…

He was the real monster.

With that knowledge, Izaya curled up with the coat and wept.

*~*~*

Shizuo had never been here. Or maybe he had, during a jog; it just looked different in the dark. He had stopped somewhere along the cliff where a large, single tree grew. Right now it was bare and prickly, but it gave him some kind of shield from the wind. Now that he had calmed down, he wished he had taken that coat. He was cold, but the spot was nice. It was a few feet from the cliff, and he could see the moon reflected in the sea. It was quiet here, the waves lapping gently at the sand below, no nagging from Izaya…

God, how he wished Izaya would nag now.

He had been stupid and reckless. How could he leave Izaya alone in the dark at home when he knew how much he hated being by himself? He never said it, but Shizuo could tell. Okay, so Izaya was an asshole and a dickhead who couldn’t keep his mouth shut, but Shizuo had long since developed a strange affection for him. An affection that, he feared, went beyond friendship. Of course Izaya hated him – he made that pretty clear.

 _‘’Did you just call me your family?. God, you’re disgusting,’’_ _‘’…you’re a fucking monster.‘’ ‘…you should hit me then, make yourself feel better.’’  ‘’I don’t want to hear you’’  ‘’of course I wouldn’t want to have kids with you! Who would?’’  ‘’ You’d make a shitty dad’’…_

Those comments had hurt him, deeply, because he didn’t know if Izaya said them to make him angry or because he meant them. He sounded like he meant them. It was logical that he meant them. No matter how much Shizuo loved kids, hated violence and wanted to be…decent with Izaya it didn’t change the fact that he was a monster. And Izaya could never, ever love a monster. Or even like him. Or even tolerate him. He had been stupid.

Shizuo’s phone buzzed and then buzzed again. Someone was calling him but he couldn’t bring himself to answer. The phone went silent. Then it buzzed again, once – a text message. Shizuo pulled it out of his pocket.

_18:08 from: Izaya_

_Where are you?_

Shizuo stared at the message, dejected. He couldn’t bring himself to type back.

_18: 08 from: Izaya_

_Are you okay?_

Shizuo bit his lip. He made up his mind…

_18:09 from: Izaya_

_I’m sorry._

He wasn’t going to type back. It was cruel but for once Izaya could be the one to worry.

_18:09 from: Izaya_

_It’s just a cupboard. Please come home._

Shizuo’s heart skipped a beat at that. Home…

_18: 10 from: Izaya_

_I’m not hurt. I know I’m an idiot. I’m sorry I trashed your stuff. Please, let’s just talk it out._

Izaya called again. Shizuo waited it out until his phone went silent once more. He stared at it, willing Izaya to text more. He wanted to…hear him say stuff. He wanted him to tell Shizuo that he wanted him home but, of course, he had no such luck.

_18: 12 from: Izaya_

_You’re a dickhead. I know you’re reading this._

Shizuo took out a cigarette from the pocket of his jeans and lit it. He blew out the smoke. 

_18: 12 from: Izaya_

_I didn’t mean any of it. You’re not a monster. Please come back._

Shizuo smiled a little at that. He took another drag of his cigarette.

_18: 13 from: Izaya_

_Dickhead._

_18: 13 from: Izaya_

_If you don’t come back, I’m going to look for you._

At that, Shizuo sat up.

_18: 13 from: Izaya_

_I’ll do it. Call me right now or I’m going to find you and you’re getting your ass whooped._

_18: 14 from: Izaya_

_And I’m taking the car._

Shizuo shook his head. Izaya wasn’t going to go out into the night just to look for him. He wasn’t about to rise to the bait.

_18: 14 from: Izaya_

_Stay where you are. I’m coming to get you._

*~*~*

Izaya had Shizuo’s coat in the crook of his arm, even though he hadn’t found him yet. He had taken the car and driven around, getting out every once in a while, calling Shizuo’s name and clutching his coat. He was probably freezing now. He was by the road now. An empty road. He stood there, feeling like an idiot with Shizuo’s coat, calling his name.

He didn’t hear the car pull up and didn’t notice the person until the gravel crunched behind him.

‘’Shizu?’’ Izaya turned around, hopeful.

The knife pierced his stomach.


	10. I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here guys. Love me.

October 5th

It was a mess.

And it was all Shizuo’s fault.

The conversation kept replaying in Shizuo’s head.

‘ _’Hello, is this Shizuo Heiwajima? We’re calling from the hospital. Unfortunately we have to inform you that your husband, Izaya Heiwajima, has been assaulted…_ ’’

It was such a mess. Izaya had taken a car, which was God knows where right now. There were no night buses. In the end Shizuo had called Mina, one of the women working at the care centre with him, and asked her for a lift. She had been very understanding and had picked him up in a flash. Now they were parking and Shizuo was so nervous he could barely sit still. He was tapping erratically on his knee – it was the only thing keeping him from either bursting into tears or breaking the windshield. Mina put a hand on his, steadying him, ‘’don’t worry, they said he’s stable. He’ll be fine.’’ She said firmly.

Shizuo offered a weak smile. He was pale as a ghost, ‘’thank you for coming. I owe you one.’’

‘’Don’t be stupid. Should I wait?’’

‘’No, we’ll probably stay the night…’’

Mina nodded, ‘’go to your husband.’’

Shizuo practically ran to the front doors of the hospital, where a nurse was already waiting for him. It was a small building because the population of their town was so tiny and there was only one ambulance. She ushered him in, ‘’he’s stable right now, but still hasn’t regained consciousness. The police have contacted us – they think that Mr Heiwajima had gotten out of the car, presumably looking for someone or something, when the attacker came up behind him and stabbed him just below his ribcage. They have car tracks to prove it. Apparently Mr Heiwajima managed to fight the attacker off and get in the car but he lost consciousness about a kilometre later and crashed into a tree.’’

Shizuo was barely hearing what the nurse was saying. He was walking fast. Now that he was inside the hospital seemed too big – he wanted to see Izaya. Needed to see him. But each room they passed was dark and _not his_. Finally, when Shizuo felt like he would explode, the nurse stopped in front of a door, ‘’there is a blanket inside, if you want to spend the night. If he regains consciousness, we may release him as soon as tomorrow afternoon-‘’

‘’Thank you,’’ Shizuo blurted and went inside, closing the doors behind him. Izaya was lying on the small bed, deathly pale. His eyes were closed but at least there was no IV drip. Shizuo watched enough movies to know that if here was an IV, it was pretty serious. His whole stomach was bandaged up and the covers only went up to his waist. Shizuo tucked them around his chin, knowing how cold he could get and sat on the edge of the bed, ‘’oh, Izaya…’’ he whispered. His chest felt tight. Shizuo brushed his hair out of his face and pressed a kiss to his forehead.

‘’What are you doing, weirdo?’’ Izaya’s voice was weak but amused.

Shizuo practically jumper back, his eyes widening, ‘’you’re awake!’’

‘’No shit. Help me up.’’

‘’You probably shouldn’t move too much,’’ Shizuo said but helped Izaya up to a sitting position. Izaya winced and realised how close he was to Shizuo.

‘’I’m sorry,’’ they blurted at the same time.

‘’It wasn’t your fault. Besides, if I hadn’t overreacted this wouldn’t have happened-‘’ Shizuo started but was interrupted.

‘’No, wait,’’ Izaya’s voice was soft and, to Shizuo’s surprise, he took his hand. His skin was cold and clammy and he was probably in pain but Shizuo didn’t dare interrupt him, ‘’I’ve…said a lot of things. I guess I was trying to rile you up. I don’t know why I did it. I’m just…like that. I can’t help it,’’ Izaya cradled Shizuo’s hand in between his in a rare gesture of affection, ‘’I…crap, I’m so bad with words. What I’m trying to say is ‘I’m sorry’. Not just for today. For being a dickhead from the start. I can’t promise you it won’t happen again…hell, it probably will but I’ll try to be friends with you. Cuz, you know…’’ he flushed and looked down, ‘’you’re my family, too,’’ he grumbled.

Shizuo cracked a grin, ‘’when did you get so sentimental?’’

Izaya snatched his hand back and slid back down to the mattress, ‘’shut up. We can blame it on the drugs. Don’t mention it again.’’ But he was smiling a little as he glanced up at Shizuo, ‘’I’m glad you’re okay.’’

‘’I wish I could say the same to you,’’ Shizuo fixed the pillows and covers around Izaya again, ‘’do you want me to call the nurse to give you pain killers.’’

‘’I’m good.’’

‘’Izaya.’’

‘’Okay. Yes.’’

Shizuo pressed the red button and as they waited he sighed deeply, ‘’I’m sorry about losing my patience. And about the cupboard and about pushing you.’’

‘’My fault,’’ Izaya said and then his eyes widened and he groaned, ‘’fuck, the car…’’

‘’It probably got towed away.’’

‘’Can you get it tomorrow morning?’’

‘’No way,’’ Shizuo crossed his arms over his chest, ‘’they said you’re going to get let out in the afternoon. I’m not leaving you. Besides, I don’t drive.’’

Izaya poked him teasingly, ‘’aw, come on. You really want your injured husband to wait for eternity at the only bus stop around here?’’

Shizuo sighed, ‘’fine, fine,’’ he leaned over on instinct and pressed another kiss to his forehead.

‘’Why do you keep doing that?’’ Izaya pretended to cringe, but he couldn’t hide his blush.

‘’I’m just glad you’re safe now. Get some sleep,’’ Shizuo threw the extra blanket the nurse left for him over Izaya and curled up in the thankfully large chair. The nurse finally came in and gave Izaya a sleeping pill and two strong pain killers.

As he was dozing off Izaya reached out and tapped Shizuo’s hand lightly. Shizuo opened his palm and allowed Izaya to slip his hand into his. He squeezed it gently but Izaya didn’t have the energy to squeeze back, ‘’I wish you could lay down with me,’’ he mumbled sleepily and then drifted off. Smiling, Shizuo got more comfortable and then he, too, fell asleep.  


	11. I DO NOT WANT TO SEE THAT!!!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gaaah guys I can't stop updating!  
> Anyway, I was reading the DRRR x2 light novel and I did not realise that:   
> 1\. Shizuo is super skinny so people don't really believe he's as dangerous as people say   
> 2\. His glasses don't suit him unless he's in pissed-off mode  
> 3\. Tom thinks he's a pain in the ass when he gets pissed off   
> 4\. He calms down extremely easily, like when Tom tells him 'oh, your ramen is ready' and he just drops whoever he was beating up and is all like 'really?'   
> 5\. He complains a lot about his life to Celty, like a kid   
> 6\. He's described as having really gentle eyes (when he's not pissed off)
> 
> I dunno but all these just kind of add to his charm <3

October 6th

It was good to be home – is what Izaya thought when he finally walked into their house and collapsed on the couch. He had been released from the hospital in the afternoon and Shizuo, true to his word, came to pick him up in their now-battered car, which he also promised to repair. But before they could drive off, the police cropped up and begun their questioning. They had no idea who stabbed Izaya still and they promised to keep looking into it, but Izaya knew they wouldn’t. It was fine – if there was a next time, he’d be prepared. Besides, this wasn’t the first time a client tried to get rid of him. Or maybe it was a random mobbing. Izaya considered dropping the informator business, but it was good money…

Either way, after the questioning was over Izaya was hungry as fuck, so Shizuo took him to dinner. A sweet gesture. He sipped his milkshake calmly as Izaya scarfed down his food and then drove them home. It was dark by the time they got home and Izaya’s wound was starting to demand attention. ‘’You okay?’’ Shizuo asked when Izaya dumped himself on the couch.

‘’Just tired,’’ Izaya said, stretching for emphasis even though his side screamed in protest.

Shizuo shrugged. He had been…distant since last night. Well, Izaya did tell him to forget the whole thing and put it down to drugs, ‘’I’m going to take a shower then.’’

Izaya stayed on the couch, willing the pain away. It wasn’t awful or unbearable, but it wasn’t exactly comfortable and it wasn’t going away. Shit, where did they keep the pain killers? Izaya had his personal batch for his headaches but where were the actual generic painkillers? He heard the shower go off and swore. He couldn’t ask Shizuo now. Still, he trailed himself up the stairs at a painfully slow rate, concentrating in putting one foot in front of the other. The pain got worse every time he took a step and receded every time he stopped. It took him a good ten minutes to get to the bedroom and when he walked into the bedroom. He pressed down on the handle of Shizuo’s bathroom and it opened – that meant he was done, right?

Nope.

Izaya forgot he knocked his lock off a few months back.

Shizuo looked up at him, startled and very, very naked, straight out of the shower cabin. And all Izaya could do was stare. He couldn’t control his gaze, which swept down, over his well sculpted chest and muscled stomach. God, he really was skinny and yet muscular at the same time – how did that happen? And then, to his dismay, his eyes slipped lower and then widened. Was he really surprised that Shizuo was big? Well, no, but it was definitely weird to see it in person. Izaya flushed head to toe, ‘’the hell!?’’ Shizuo demanded but Izaya was at his limit. He had wasted his energy and he now swung on his feet.

Shizuo caught him and pressed him against the wall for stability, ‘’jheez, are you okay?’’

Izaya blinked back the dark spots, but his vision was hazy, ‘’hey, Shizuo,’’ he said quietly, ‘’get your junk the fuck away from me.’’

Shizuo rolled his eyes, ‘’you barged in here, it’s not my fault.’’ But he turned to retrieve his boxers and Izaya got a quick glimpse of his ass. All he could think was ‘damn’ and then Shizuo pulled on his underwear and went back to Izaya, pressing a hand to his forehead, ‘’do you have a fever?’’ Izaya didn’t reply and Shizuo dropped his hand. Another wave of nausea rolled over Izaya and he grabbed Shizuo’s shoulders for stability. ‘’Are you okay?’’ Shizuo’s voice was quiet and when he came into focus, he was close. So close that if Izaya stood on his tiptoes he could just…

‘’I’m in pain~’’ he complained, breaking the moment and throwing his arms around Shizuo’s neck and slumping against him, ‘’get me pain killers. And carry me.’’

‘’Whatever you say, princess,’’ Shizuo huffed out a laugh and Izaya felt himself being lifted. He allowed himself a moment of holding onto Shizuo, just a moment and he was surprised at how much his body relaxed when he was enveloped in Shizuo’s warmth. And then Shizuo laid him down gently on the bed and, before Izaya could stop him, gave him a quick kiss to the forehead.

‘’Gah, stop!’’ Izaya said, shoving him away but he was smiling.

Shizuo disappeared and returned a few minutes later with pain killers and a glass of water, ‘’take two only. I don’t want you dying on me.’’

‘’I want three!’’ Izaya whined.

‘’Well, you can’t always get what you want,’’ Shizuo said patiently.

‘’Whatever, you’re not my dad,’’ Izaya popped out three pills.

Shizuo’s hand came to cover his before he could take them, ‘’but I’m your husband and I’m telling you that you can’t take three.’’

Izaya kissed his teeth, ‘’well sorry, darling,’’ then he stopped himself, ‘’whatever. Let’s not fight.’’

Shizuo smiled and released his hand. And then in a flash Izaya shoved the three pills in his mouth and downed the water. Shizuo glared at him, ‘’you’re a bastard.’’

‘’Give me a kiss, hubby~’’ Izaya said with a shit-eating grin.

Shizuo flicked his nose, ‘’there you go.’’ He went and turned the lights off.

‘’Hey, I’ve still got my clothes on!’’ Izaya protested.

‘’Jheez,’’ Shizuo found him in the dark and helped him pull his t-shirt over his head. His hand rested briefly on the bandages on his side but he didn’t say anything, just pulled down his jeans, leaving him in just underwear.

‘’Goodnight, Shizuo.’’ Izaya said, settling down.

Shizuo stopped. Did Izaya just…

‘’What?’’

‘’I said goodnight, Shizuo,’’ Izaya said, irritated.

Shizuo. Not Shizu-chan. Somehow that sent a rush of excitement through the blond. He knelt by the bed.

‘’Hey, Izaya.’’

‘’What?’’

Shizuo dipped his head and pecked his forehead and then laughed when Izaya swatted him away. He reassumed his normal place behind Izaya but instead of just draping his arm over his waist, his hand ventured to his thigh, which he stroked gently, ‘’are you bored or what? Go to sleep,’’ Izaya snapped at him but made no move to take his hand away so Shizuo gave him a few more long strokes. He just wanted to convey how happy he was that Izaya was there.

Izaya flushed with sudden realisation. He was reacting to Shizuo’s touch.

Down there.

An image of Shizuo’s naked body flashed in Izaya’s mind. He grabbed his hand and yanked it around his waist, ‘’enough. I’m tired.’’ He said tightly.

‘’So salty,’’ Shizuo said but smiled, ‘’goodnight.’’

‘’Mmmh.’’


	12. I DON'T WANT TO HUG (part II)

October 31st

‘’You know what?  You don’t even have to put on a costume. You’re scary enough with that haircut,’’ Shizuo said.

Izaya flipped him off, ‘’I’m not putting a costume on anyway. Even if it’s Halloween we’re in the middle of nowhere. No one’s gonna come trick or treating.’’

‘’Is that why you have a bag of sweets in your lap?’’

‘’I’ll have you know,’’ Izaya crossed his legs and dipped his hand into the jumbo sized plastic container of Haribos, ‘’that they’re for me,’’ he popped one in his mouth for emphasis. Shizuo rolled his eyes, ‘’here, have one,’’ Shizuo obediently leaned down and Izaya popped the sweet into his mouth. Ever since the stabbing incident, their relationship had become better. They had said all they wanted and now there was no more tension – well, there was some, but less. Izaya, although he didn’t want to admit, was more anxious than usual at night, scared that someone was after him and Shizuo was more than happy to reassure him of his safety. Shizuo had this thing where he wanted to protect someone…maybe that was why he worked in a care centre for the elderly. Either way, Izaya was the perfect candidate for Shizuo’s care, even if he was an annoying prick.

Shizuo knelt by Izaya, who was sitting on the couch, and touched his bangs, which were falling into his eyes now, ‘’You’ve not had a haircut since we moved in. That’s four months.’’

‘’Wow, good maths skills,’’ Izaya said sarcastically. It was Shizuo’s turn to flip him off and Izaya blew him a kiss.

Shizuo got up and made for the doors, throwing an offhand comment over his shoulder, ‘’I like you better in short hair.’’

Izaya groaned, ‘’you wanna give me a haircut, don’t you?’’

‘’Maybe I do,’’ Shizuo laughed.  

‘’Okay then, princess. Try not to slit my throat.’’

‘’I’ll have you know,’’ Shizuo parroted him, ‘’that I was a hairdresser for a while.’’

‘’And _then_ you slit someone’s throat?’’

Shizuo stared at Izaya for a second and then grinned. Izaya shrieked when he was suddenly lifted and thrown over Shizuo’s shoulder, ‘’you brute! Put me down! I was kidding! Kidding!’’ but Shizuo only laughed and carried him off, so Izaya had no choice but to grumpily prop his face up on his hand and let himself be carried upstairs and dumped on the edge of the bathtub in his bathroom. Shizuo disappeared for a moment and when he returned he had a comb and a pair of scissors in his hands, ‘’jheez, now I _really_ feel nervous.’’

‘’Maybe you should,’’ Shizuo said with a wicked grin. Izaya stuck his tongue out and slid down the tub, tipping his head back. Shizuo knelt next to him washed his hair with lukewarm water so it was wet and then sat behind Izaya, propping his up between his legs.

‘’Just do the back and sides,’’ Izaya said.

‘’Mmmh, like a Peaky Blinder?’’

‘’What’s that?’’

‘’TV show. Although you probably don’t want a Peaky Blinder haircut…’’ Shizuo was already concentrating on targeting Izaya’s dark hair. Even though he was a guy it was smooth and silky.

Izaya kicked his heels against the floor, ‘’talk to me. I’m bored.’’

‘’What do you want to talk about?’’

Izaya paused for a second, ‘’how are you?’’

‘’You know how I am. We’ve been together all day.’’

‘’I know. But in general.’’

‘’In general I’m good. I’ve got this pest waiting for me to come back from work, so how could I be anything else?’’

‘’I do not wait for you after work,’’ Izaya said stubbornly, ‘’and I’m not a pest.’’

‘’You are! You feed off me. I literally have to make all your meals.’’

‘’You’re not here for lunch,’’ Izaya reminded him, ‘’I have to make that myself.’’

‘’Well done,’’ Shizuo said sarcastically, snipping away, ‘’oh and by the way, toast isn’t a real meal.’’

Izaya kissed his teeth and grumbled, ‘’ _you’re_ not a meal.’’

Shizuo snipped away for a few silent minutes and then he put down the scissors and combed through Izaya’s hair a few times. Izaya ignored the fact that his free hand slid down to rest on his hip to steady him, ‘’and how are you?’’ Shizuo asked quietly.

‘’I’m good,’’ Izaya said truthfully, ‘’I wait for this protozoan to come home every day so I have something to do.’’

‘’I thought you don’t wait for me,’’ Shizuo sniggered. He put his hand on Izaya’s shoulder and squeezed, once – an indication that he was finished. But Izaya didn’t move.

‘’Mmmh, do you know how to give a massage, Shizu-chan?’’ he asked, already leaning back into Shizuo’s hand. That’s when the blond realised that maybe out of the two of them; Izaya was the more overworked one. He sat at home all day, rigid and stiff, typing away and taking phone calls and then, to let some energy out, he painted the attic. His posture couldn’t be getting good.

‘’Not really. I’d probably dislocate your shoulder if I tried.’’

‘’Try anyway.’’ He said, leaning back. Izaya remembered how Shizuo had stroked his thigh a few weeks back and, despite it making him react _like that_ , it proved Shizuo had a way with his hands. He trusted him enough not to worry that he’d end up with broken shoulder blades. He could feel the beast’s hesitation as his hands came to rest lightly on his shoulders and his thumbs pressed into his back with minimal pressure. Shizuo was copying what he’d seen in movies; he never gave anyone a massage before, ‘’harder.’’

He dug his thumbs in harder and moved his fingers in what he hoped was a relaxing, circular movement, ‘’l-like this?’’

‘’Yeah, that’s good,’’ Izaya’s voice had dropped to an almost sleepy purr and he seemed to relax, ‘’you can press harder though.’’ Shizuo complied hesitantly and Izaya groaned, ‘’fuck, I needed that. Less computer, more-‘’ he suddenly flinched and Shizuo realised that he had concentrated on his words and lost control over his fingers for a second.

‘’Sorry,’’ he snatched his hands back as if Izaya burned, ‘’I used too much strength…’’

‘’It’s okay,’’ Izaya rolled his shoulders, ‘’I feel much be-‘’ he turned and saw Shizuo’s face. He sighed and sent him a playful smile, turning around, ‘’hey, it was fine,’’ he said, poking his nose, and when Shizuo didn’t smile back he grabbed his cheeks, ‘’come on, stop sulking you big baby,’’ he squished his cheeks and stretched them out, then burst out laughing at the comical expression Shizuo gave him.

‘’Are you feeling okay?’’ he asked, irritated, but at least he was back to normal. Izaya giggled and stood up, glancing in the mirror and touching the back of his head.

‘’Decent job, Shizu-chan~ thanks.’’ He turned back to his husband and extended his hand, lifting him off the floor. But when Shizuo was up, he clasped his hand tighter.

‘’I’m sorry I hurt you.’’ He said seriously, looking determined to apologise.

Izaya rolled his eyes, ‘’it didn’t hurt. Not much, anyway.’’

‘’I’m still sorry.’’ He looked like he was going to hug Izaya and the raven, remembering how he’d reacted to Shizuo back then when he touched his thigh, panicked.

His fist shot out, fast as lightning, delivering a blow to Shizuo, who hunched over a little, more from surprise than pain. Izaya stuck his tongue out, ‘’there, now we’re even~ come on, make me something to eat.’’


	13. I DON'T WANT YOU IN MY HOUSE

November 24th

‘’What the hell are you doing?’’ Shizuo tilted his head and awaited a reply, but he got none from Izaya, who was on his hands and knees on the carpet of the living room, his laptop playing ocean noises out loud. Shizuo walked into the house just as Izaya was pushing his back outwards so he was an elegant arch on the floor. Shizuo stopped dead for a second, his eyes sweeping over his arched body and long legs – god, why did he have an ass like that? Was he a girl!? – before he managed to ask him the question.

Izaya inhaled and exhaled slowly before going, ‘’Shhh,’’ to Shizuo.

The blond walked into the living room fully from the kitchen just as Izaya jumped to his feet smoothly and extended his hands up, as smooth as a ballet dancer. He took hold of his wrist with one hand and twisted easily to the side, repeating the motion the other way, too. His eyes were closed. Shizuo watched him with crossed arms, ‘’seriously, what are you doing?’’

Izaya sat back down on the floor, eyes still closed, and extended one leg out, hooking the other over it, setting his foot down on the carpet, ‘’yoga,’’ he said simply, tucking his arm behind him and twisting his body without budging his legs so his free hand could touch the opposite knee. Shizuo watched him do that a few times, left-right-left-right, concentrating on his exhales and inhales, ‘’stop staring at me,’’ he said without opening his eyes.

‘’Why are you doing yoga?’’ Shizuo asked suspiciously, sitting down opposite him.

‘’I was bored,’’ Izaya said simply. He put his legs out like he was going to sit in a lotus position, but the soles of his feet were touching. Shizuo raised his eyebrows; he didn’t think he would even be able to sit in a lotus position much less in…that shit. Then Izaya put his head down and stretched out his arms.

‘’You do realise we’re due for a second inspection today,’’ Shizuo said.

‘’Mmmh, I’m trying to relax so I can be in the best shape possible to play your loving hubby,’’ Izaya said and raised his head. His hair was a bit tousled making him look more like a teenage than anything, ‘’come do yoga with me.’’ He turned back onto all fours and did that bridge thing again. Shizuo sighed, twisted and went on all fours too but straight away he was irritated. He hated slow exercises and the sound of the ocean was getting on his nerves, so he started doing push ups instead, ‘’show off,’’ Izaya said, sticking his tongue out. Shizuo grinned at him, tucking one arm behind his back and using only one hand to push himself up and down, ‘’bet you can’t do thirty in a minute.’’

‘’You’re on,’’ Shizuo smirked and Izaya took out his timer.

‘’On, two, three…go!’’ Shizuo went a little faster, using both hands for speed, ‘’twelve, thirteen, fourteen, what the hell, you’re not even breaking a sweat? Seventeen, eighteen, fifteen seconds le-‘’

The doorbell rang and the two of them froze, ‘’the inspector is here,’’ Shizuo stated the obvious, jumping to his feet. Izaya followed suit, pocketing his phone and padding down the corridor.

‘’Just do it like we did it last time,’’ he instructed quietly before yanking the doors open.

The Fujoshi was gone, replaced by a stale-looking older man who eyed them up and down without saying hello, stopping to glare at their dishevelled hair and Shizuo who was, despite the ease of doing the exercise, panting lightly. He apparently came to his own conclusions, ‘’did I interrupt something?’’

Shizuo and Izaya glanced at each other and Shizuo’s eyes widened, ‘’oh, no! No, we were just doing, um, push ups,’’ he said at the same time as Izaya said ‘yoga’.

‘’I was doing yoga, he was doing push ups,’’ Izaya said, slightly irritated.

The inspector eyed them again, ‘’let’s keep this brief,’’ and he invited himself in, dropping his briefcase at the doors. Izaya glared at Shizuo like his heated denial put their relationship under a question mark in the inspector’s book and went in after him to the living room. He did not offer him tea. The inspector straightened his tie as Shizuo and Izaya sat opposite him. Remembering their last inspection, Shizuo reached over to take Izaya’s hand but to his surprise Izaya snatched it away, pretending to straighten his shirt. The gesture looked unnatural and forced, and Shizuo was sure the inspector noticed. He took out a notepad, ‘’who works?’’ he asked off the bat.

‘’Both of us,’’ Izaya said, forcing himself to be polite, but he wasn’t all smiley-smiley like he had been with the Fujoshi inspector, ‘’Shizuo works down at the old people’s centre as a caretaker,’’ he said, putting a light, almost unnoticeable strain on the word ‘old’, like a diss towards the inspector, ‘’and I work from home.’’

‘’What do you do?’’ he asked and his eyes darkened as he finished with, ‘’Mr Heiwajima?’’

Izaya felt weird at being called that. Weird but…not awful, ‘’I work at an internet shop,’’ he lied smoothly and Shizuo wondered if that was what he ‘officially’ did in the eyes of the government.

‘’I see. Do the two of your spend a lot of time together, considering Mr Heiwajima here works outside of home?’’

‘’Of course. I’m always home so we’re together on weekends and evenings,’’ Izaya said but the inspector was looking at Shizuo suspiciously.

‘’You’re very quiet, Mr Heiwajima.’’

‘’I don’t like talking to strangers,’’ Shizuo said bluntly and Izaya got the feeling that he was…grumpy? Or sulking?

‘’Funny you say that,’’ there wasn’t even a hint of a smile on the inspector’s lips, ‘’considering that you and your husband have no previous history of dating previously,’’ god, how did their reputation find them even here?

‘’We went to high school together,’’ Izaya shrugged.

‘’High school sweethearts, then?’’ the man asked and there was a hint of disgust in his voice. The air grew tense, ‘’forgive me for being blunt,’’ he didn’t sound apologetic, ‘’has this marriage been consummated?’’

Shizuo went beet red. Izaya never took him for the type to get embarrassed easily but right then he was a glowing red light in the corner of Izaya’s vision. A warning light, ‘’of course,’’ Izaya said tightly, ‘’would you like to run some tests?’’ he asked icily.

‘’No need,’’ the inspector said quickly, ‘’as long as you are married in the eyes of the law-‘’

‘’But not in the eyes of your God,’’ Izaya said, shocking both Shizuo and the inspector, ‘’you’re looking for loopholes because you don’t like the fact that we’re gay,’’ he said coldly.

The inspector’s eyes narrowed. As a professional he would have avoided the question but something in Izaya’s voice was almost like a challenge, " _If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them._ " He quoted the bible.

‘’So in your eyes we should be killed,’’ Izaya said casually **, ‘** ’ _Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. **Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones** **.**_ **’’** he quotes smoothly, ‘’in the eyes of your God, lesbians are as bad. So _it’s funny_ that you say that I should be killed for being with my husband when you,’’ he reached under the table and slammed a magazine in front of the shocked inspector, ‘’have a very interesting reading choice on the train.’’ Shizuo and the inspector stared at the cover of the magazine, displaying two naked women, being very clearly intimate with each other.

‘’Where did you get this?’’ The inspector ground out through clenched teeth.

‘’I took it out of your briefcase as soon as you dumped it on the floor,’’ Izaya gave his trademark smirk that made hell freeze over, ‘’I think you should go now, sir, before I report you for coming into our house and disrespecting us when you are so clearly a hypocrite.’’

The inspector gave him another hateful look, and then sent one in Shizuo’s direction, stood up and left without a word. As soon as he was gone Izaya gave a deep sigh and walked from the room. Shizuo followed him, stunned. Izaya sat on the edge of their bed and Shizuo lingered in the doorway, ‘’why did you snatch your hand away?’’ he asked softly.

‘’Because the guy was clearly a homophobe and I didn’t want to piss him off so he’d write a good report,’’ Izaya said, still sounding irritated, ‘’that went to hell pretty fast.’’

‘’You did well. I mean,’’ Shizuo looked away, ‘’you kind of saved our asses. And he had it coming. But what the hell, you’re Izaya Orihara, I don’t expect anything less.’’

‘’Heiwajima,’’ Izaya said automatically and Shizuo glanced at him questioningly, ‘’it’s Izaya Heiwajima now.’’ He repeated and then rubbed his face tiredly. The next thing he knew Shizuo was sitting behind him, his arms wrapped loosely around his waist. He groaned, ‘’oh, hell no, we’re not doing this hugging thing-‘’ he went to stand up but Shizuo’s arms tightened around him, almost desperately and Izaya realised that something was wrong, ‘’hey…something happened, didn’t it?’’

Slowly, Shizuo lay his forehead on Izaya’s shoulder and sighed quietly, ‘’someone…died at the care centre.’’

‘’What? Who?’’

‘’An older guy. I didn’t know his name, just his face, and I hauled him around a few times. He had cancer, I think,’’ he shrugged and Izaya stared at the wall, ‘’I mean, it’s a care centre, I know people are going to die, but it was so final and…’’

‘’And your first time witnessing it,’’ Izaya finished for him softly. Shizuo had beat up numerous people back in Ikebukuro and there was no denying that he’s been closed to death multiple times. But Izaya was realising more and more each day that Shizuo was probably the gentlest soul Izaya knew.

‘’You should have seen everyone else. They looked so…sad. And scared, wondering who was next as the ambulance took the body away,’’ he huffed a short, mirthless laugh, ‘’and I just stood there like an idiot. I had no idea what to do.’’

Izaya hesitated. He wasn’t very good at comforting people, ‘’…are you going to cry?’’

‘’No.’’

‘’Good,’’ Izaya said quietly, ‘’then I can at least attempt to do this,’’ he turned around to face a slightly startled Shizuo and lifted his hand. He was initially going for his cheek, then deemed that too intimate, and eventually just put it on his chest, ‘’old people die all the time. You know, growing old is like…rotting, kind of. And you get all kinds of sicknesses and pains,’’ he didn’t know why he was explaining this simply, as if speaking to a child, ‘’if I was…when I’m old, I’ll be happy to go out quickly. I don’t want to see myself wither and be consumed by disease. I think those older people are like that too. The guy who died was probably happy he did so, finally, cuz cancer isn’t painless and knowing your own cells are killing you isn’t very nice, either. And all the other people know their time is coming and just want to live out the rest of their days in peace, which you help them with. So you don’t have to worry about them being scared because I think they’re just…relieved to go. Probably,’’ he finished softly.

He glanced up at Shizuo just as the blond leaned forward, pulling Izaya against him and wrapping him into a warm, slightly too-strong hug. Izaya wasn’t sure what to do but kicked himself into action, _Shizuo needs this. You owe him this much, at least_ he told himself. It scared him that he slid his hand to the back of Shizuo’s neck with such ease, holding his forehead against his shoulder, his other hand coming to wrap around his back. He stroked it softly, comfortingly, once more like one may touch a child. Maybe he wouldn’t be such an awful dad as he thought. He was worried Shizuo really would start crying then but the blond just whispered, ‘’thanks.’’

Izaya wanted to reply with a snarky comment like ‘’you’re welcome, babe,’’ or something to break the strange intimacy of the hug. But in the end he remained silent.


	14. I DON'T WANT TO

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> LOVE ME FOR DIS CHAPTER AYYYY

December 16th

‘’Izaya! I’m home!’’ Shizuo called, kicking off his shoes. He didn’t bother with slippers as he hung up his coat on the hanger by the kitchen doors. The cold was really starting to kick Shizuo’s butt, especially since he got up super early to catch the bus into town to get to work – he still wasn’t comfortable with driving, especially not on the icy roads. The mornings meant the grass was covered in a shimmering layer of ice and even cigarettes couldn’t warm him up. Coming back to his warm home was always a relief after the long walk from the bus stop even if there was a certain annoying flea to entertain for the rest of the evening. Or maybe _because_ there was one. Shizuo snorted at the notion as he padded into the living room; who would have thought that Shizuo and Izaya, arch enemies, could be civil with each other. Well, it wasn’t as if they were ‘civil’ anymore, not with the night hugging that Izaya refused to acknowledge during the day.

Izaya wasn’t in the living room as per usual. His laptop was there, connected to a charger, but it was closed and Izaya had vacated the couch. Frowning, Shizuo walked up the stairs but he wasn’t in the bedroom or the bathroom. He expected to find him painting the attic again but even on the stairs he couldn’t feel his presence. In fact he was fairly sure the whole house was empty. His heart sped up – he knew he shouldn’t panic but Izaya never went out, or at least he was always there when Shizuo came back home. What if he had left? Shizuo tried to tell himself his life would be easier but he still threw open the attic window and looked out into the long stretch of grass and down at the cliff. A fog was creeping in from all sides and it was dark already but… Shizuo glanced towards the beach and his blood ran cold.

The moon was shining strong and for once it was a clear night – its rays illuminated a shadow of a figure on the beach, wading into the water. Shizuo’s eyes widened – was Izaya trying to commit suicide? Had he really been so awful to him!? Before he could stop himself, Shizuo sprinted downstairs, shoved his feet into his shoes, yanked his coat of the hanger and, carrying it in the crook of his arm, ran out of the house and down the narrow path from the cliff to the beach. By the time he got there, Izaya was not on the beach anymore, but now Shizuo could see clearly his footprints in the sand and when he looked out into the sea… he was pretty sure he saw a dark head bobbing, but it might well had been a wave.

It was extremely dangerous. Shizuo’s breath was coming out in frantic, white puffs in the air and his arms were covered in goose bumps. It was really, really cold and by going into the sea he risked freezing, drowning or both. He should just have left Izaya to his own devices in the freezing ocean but the guy couldn’t even freaking _swim_. How did he even get that far out? Or maybe he wasn’t there at all and Shizuo was seeing things, fatigued. Maybe Izaya would come back from the grocery store or wherever the hell he went and never know what happened to him. Well, he’d be happier without him anyway. But then again Izaya hated being by himself in the dark house…so why did he wade into the dark ocean? With these thoughts running through his head, Shizuo yanked off his t-shirt and dropped it next to the coat on the sand. He was not risking Izaya’s death for precaution and if he died then…well, Karma would finally catch up with him.

Shizuo forgot to kick his shoes off but it wasn’t as if they were much protection against the icy water that penetrated the material. He didn’t stop, though, his breath coming out faster, more shaky, as he went further into the murky darkness. Shizuo Heiwajima wasn’t scared of many things but right then he could easily imagine some ancient monster swimming beneath the surface. Maybe it would recognise Shizuo as one of its own and leave him alone. Shizuo tried to amuse himself to distract his body from the numbing cold of the waves that lapped up his trousers and then reached his waist as he went farther out, but all he could think about was Izaya drowning. His eyes desperately scanned the water. Goddammit, why did Izaya have to have black hair? He looked at the moon but it was now covered by a single, random cloud that was like a middle finger up from God. Shizuo didn’t growl but he wanted to. His teeth were chattering so hard that if he was normal and could feel basic pain, it would probably hurt. But he wasn’t normal. He had ‘super strength’. He decided he might as well use it for a good thing for once. One good deed against countless bad ones. He pushed himself, feeling warmth seep into his chilled skin. His brain was shutting down the rational part that screamed at him that it was too cold. It wouldn’t stop him from dying of hypothermia or drowning, but for now he could concentrate on finding Izaya.

Shizuo’s head whipped to his right when he heard a splash that went against the systematic hum of the waves. The cloud had passed and he caught a glimpse of something sticking up from the water – Izaya’s head! Or he hoped it was. He was barely touching the murky banks of the sea with his feet, so Izaya must have been floating by will alone. Without thinking any more, Shizuo dived and everything was cut off. Sound, sight…everything was black and peaceful, just for a moment, as Shizuo shot through the water in Izaya’s direction. Even his panic dulled, for just a second, and when he broke the surface again it changed into determination. The freezing wind hit him in the face like a slap but there was Izaya. Face to face with him. Shaking so badly he was creating ripples around him, his clothes soaked through.

Deciding he’d yell at him later, Shizuo grabbed his husband. He went limp almost immediately, too cold to fight, wrapping his arms around Shizuo’s neck for purchase. To Izaya, Shizuo probably felt like a heater. Now that Shizuo had Izaya the panic died down, and with it the adrenaline. Izaya was shaking so badly against him that Shizuo was worried he’d start shaking and wouldn’t be able to swim. Getting his shit together, Shizuo swam towards the shore. Or what he thought was the shore. Thankfully it was tide in so the waves helped push them to safety. It was hard swimming with Izaya. He didn’t weight much but he was clutching onto Shizuo so hard he could barely breathe and it took a lot of effort and manoeuvring to keep his head above the waterline. Shizuo was so concentrated on just swimming on that he didn’t realise they’d made it till his feet touched down on the sand more firmly. Now Izaya was much heavier but still not much of a challenge, since Shizuo was freakishly strong. He carried him out of the water, already warming up, thanks to his quickly rebuilding cells. But Izaya remained shaking in his arms, his legs now wrapped around Shizuo’s waist.

Shizuo let him go and, as he had hoped, Izaya stayed pressed against him, allowing him to lean down and grab his t-shirt and coat, which he threw over Izaya, moving him around till he was carrying him like a bride. It was ironic and a total throwback to their trip to the beach. What a nightmare. With this new position, Shizuo found it much easier to climb up the slippery edge of the cliff, still going slow so he wouldn’t trip. It was a relief when they finally reached their house. Glad he left it unlocked, Shizuo shoved it open with his hip and finally set Izaya down. He was conscious now, clinging to the coat around his shoulders, ‘’sit,’’ Shizuo indicated the counter in the kitchen and Izaya obediently plopped down, trailing water everywhere. Now that they were out of danger Shizuo’s anger came boiling up, ‘’I’m going to kill you. You’re gonna drink your tea, take a hot shower and then I’m going to kill you,’’ Izaya didn’t react so Shizuo marched up to him, spraying water droplets everywhere, and grabbed his chin, forcing the raven to look at him, ‘’what were you _thinking_?’’

Izaya smacked his hand away weakly, but he looked irritated – that was a good sign; if he was irritated that meant he wasn’t dying. And he wasn’t shaking as badly as before, ‘’none of your business.’’

‘’Seriously? Even now you’re being a bastard about this?’’ Shizuo snapped, pulling on his t-shirt and walking behind the counter.

‘’Stop making a big deal out of this.’’ Izaya snapped but his voice was quiet and he still clutched Shizuo’s coat to him.

‘’You nearly _died_! I nearly died. Since you’re so smart you could use your brain sometimes.’’ Shizuo filled up the kettle violently and clicked it on.

‘’I was bored,’’ Izaya said quietly.

Shizuo slammed his fist into the counter and Izaya flinched. Cracks spider webbed around Shizuo’s fist but this time Shizuo didn’t react, glaring at Izaya, ‘’you were bored so you decided to go swimming in the ocean, in December, in the middle of the night.’’ He stated.

Izaya scowled, ‘’I lost track of time. Besides it’s only seven.’’

Shizuo glanced at the clock hanging above the living room doors. It was indeed seven, which meant Shizuo was only in the water, what…four minutes? It had felt like an eternity, ‘’you can’t even swim,’’ he said, his strength finally leaving him. He didn’t want to argue. A tense silence fell on the room as Shizuo made Izaya tea. It was a wonder Izaya didn’t have hypothermia, but if Shizuo had been in the water four minutes then Izaya couldn’t have been there more than ten. Shizuo slid the tea over the counter but made no move to go over to Izaya as the raven drank in silence, not meeting his eyes. He left the cup where it was and left to go take that shower a few minutes later. Shizuo washed the cup slowly and systematically. Then he went into the living room. He was so lost; he realised how much he hated fighting with Izaya at this stage. He spotted his laptop and opened it. It came to life – it had been on sleep, not shut down, which meant Izaya had left in a rush…

One of the tabs open were the emails. Shizuo knew he shouldn’t but he clicked it anyway. There was a new email there, from Izaya’s mom, delivered just a few minutes before Shizuo came home. Just the fact that Izaya’s mom emailed him and didn’t call made Shizuo question how well Izaya got along with his family, or how much they cared about him. Maybe that’s why Izaya was so bad at living with someone; he’d never had that ‘happy family life’.

Shizuo skimmed the email. Stopped. Read it again, processing every word.

_Izaya. Mairu and Kururi have been recruited for the army under the new law, and are due to be deployed to the front lines tomorrow. I thought you should know, even if you can’t do anything about it. I’ll keep you updated. Take care, mom._

Shizuo knew Mairu and Kururi, Izaya’s twin sisters, had been seventeen when they left Ikebukuro but this meant they must have turned eighteen recently. The twins didn’t like their brother, and the dislike went both ways – in fact, Izaya’s sisters often sided with Shizuo, his enemy, just to piss him off. Their relations were horrible, to be precise, but they were still Izaya’s sisters. He had to care about them on some primal level, even if just a little bit. He apparently cared enough to go into a freezing ocean to cool off after hearing such news. Suddenly Shizuo felt bad about yelling at Izaya. Yes, he’d done something immensely stupid, but he had a good reason. And he was already broken down – it didn’t help that Shizuo was giving him a lecture. Slowly, almost numbly, Shizuo got up and trailed himself upstairs and down the hall to Izaya’s bathroom. The shower was running.

He entered and waited a second before speaking, ‘’Izaya?’’ silence from the large, steamed up cabin, ‘’um, are you…okay?’’ more silence. Shizuo sighed. Clearly Izaya wasn’t going to talk to him for now.

So Shizuo would have to force him to talk.

He pulled his t-shirt over his head and yanked down his trousers. His clothes were still wet and his skin chilled. Pulling off his socks, Shizuo hesitated at his boxers. Deciding to keep them on for Izaya’s sake, he walked up to the shower and yanked it open. Izaya yelped, stark naked. His skin was pink from the high temperature of the shower, his hair wet, and his body…in general…it was… Shizuo was pretty sure he wasn’t thinking rationally as he stepped into the shower and pulled the cabin door shut. Izaya backed up till he was pressed against the wall of the cabin but with Shizuo’s broad form, there was nowhere to run to.

Good.

‘’G-get out,’’ Izaya got past his shock, not even bothering to cover himself.

‘’I’m sorry about yelling at you,’’ Shizuo said softly. The shower was falling on his back in hot droplets, tucked against it’s rail.

‘’Great, can you apologise later?’’ heat rose up Izaya’s cheeks. Shizuo didn’t think he’d ever seen him blush. He definitely liked the look. He took a step forward.

‘’No. I’m sorry about yelling at you after what happened to your sisters-‘’

‘’You read my email!?’’ Izaya exploded, glaring, ‘’that’s impolite, you bastard.’’

Shizuo took one more step forward and now he was practically pressed up against Izaya, ‘’it was punishment for endangering both of us like that. You’re still an idiot,’’ he put his hand on his damp waist, feeling the soft skin, ‘’and I’m still angry.’’

‘’S-so why are you in my shower cabin?’’ Izaya sounded nervous, latching onto Shizuo’s wrist to stop his hand venturing further.

‘’I don’t want to fight,’’ Shizuo kept his voice soft.

‘’G-great, we don’t have to fight,’’ Izaya tried to twist out of his grip but Shizuo kept him in place, using both of his hand now. He dipped his head, pressing their foreheads together. Izaya tilted his head to the other side, trying to avoid what Shizuo was trying to do. But it was impossible. He felt Shizuo’s fingertips on his cheek, tilting his head back, slipping to hold his chin, his lips nuzzling softly against his. Izaya pulled back, ‘’stop it,’’ he snapped but Shizuo’s eyes were soft and his anger just…left him.

Shizuo pulled him forward, under the steady, comforting beat of the shower. It was almost like kissing in the rain, ‘’can’t,’’ Shizuo whispered, ‘’you’re my husband after all. Isn’t this normal?’’ Izaya didn’t reply so Shizuo leaned down again, kissing him softly, ‘’if anything, just treat this as a way of letting off steam.’’

And this time it was Izaya who leaned up, kissing him. His lips were soft but they were not gentle. Izaya kissed him with so much heat and passion that Shizuo was momentarily frozen… startled but…happy. It was good to finally break this barrier that had been weighing them down for so long. They unknowingly had this tension between them. Even if nothing came of this and they kissed to make up or satisfy themselves, or if they never kissed again, Shizuo was glad to do it. He knew Izaya wasn’t the romantic type so kissing him felt like…an honour, somehow. And Shizuo believed he’d changed Izaya. Made him more ‘normal’ in a sense – made him have more human emotions. Izaya probably hated him for that.

Shizuo brushed his tongue against Izaya’s eager lips, marvelling at the softness. Izaya opened his mouth a fracture. Shizuo drew him closer, slipping his tongue into his mouth. It felt good to be so close to Izaya, to feel his body against his. Shizuo had always wanted to have…someone. And even though he didn’t have Izaya ‘like that’ he still had a part of him. Izaya sighed softly against his lips, like he needed this release as well. He suddenly didn’t care that he was naked or that he was kissing his arch-nemesis-turned-husband. Izaya tasted good, too. Sweet. Shizuo loved sweet things. His lips were slightly salty from their dip in the sea and he was just so enticing. Shizuo felt himself grow hotter and when he tried to pull back to calm himself down it was Izaya who latched onto him, pulling his arms around his neck, holding him in place under the shower.

Shizuo allowed himself to touch Izaya, just a little, not enough to freak him out so he’d shove him away and end their little session. Shizuo felt addicted to Izaya, just like that. Or maybe he’d been addicted for a while now. His hand slid down his spine to the dip in the small of his back, hesitating there, ‘’where are your hands going, Shizu-chan?’’ Izaya asked, grinning against his lips. He seemed almost drunk and Shizuo felt unbelievably happy knowing he was the cause of it.

‘’Places,’’ Shizuo said, swooping down to capture Izaya’s lips again. Izaya gave in easily and Shizuo took that as admittance that Izaya wanted to be touched by Shizuo in a more…intimate way. Shizuo allowed his hand to slip down to cup one of Izaya’s butt cheeks. It was firm and soft under his hand and the fire that was lit inside him roared with want. It scared Shizuo a little. He didn’t go further, just letting that hand rest there, savouring the moment, his other one working up and down Izaya’s back. Gradually their kisses went from desperate and harsh to soft and gentle. Shizuo knew they were coming to an end; Izaya would not allow any form of loving touches between them. He could permit lust, perhaps. Nothing else. And yet he didn’t seem to be able to stop himself from nipping Shizuo’s lips a few times and letting the blond retaliate with gentle kisses that were nothing more than just the brush of the lips. And then Izaya moved away and grinned at him, his wall going back up, ‘’well, that was a good way to relieve tension,’’ he told Shizuo, stretching, showing off his lithe body. He seemed to be teasing Shizuo, ‘’can I finish my shower now?’’

Shizuo flushed head to toe only when he left the bathroom. He leaned against the wall in the corridor, rubbing his face with his hand and sighing deeply. Somehow he felt like he created more problems than he solved.

*~*~*

Izaya got sick and Shizuo took the next day off work to take care of him. After Izaya stepped out of the shower he was back to his usual self. He barely acknowledged their make out session and their hug that night was exactly the same as it had been since September. Shizuo wasn’t sure if he was glad the kisses hadn’t destroyed their fragile truce or angry they didn’t proceed their relationship. Either way, Izaya woke up in the middle of the night, shivering like a leaf in the wind.

‘’Ah, fuck,’’ he whispered, jerking Shizuo from his sleep.

Shizuo quickly rid himself of his sleepiness and pulled Izaya around, so he was facing him. He pressed his hand to his forehead and frowned, ‘’shit. You have a fever.’’ Izaya groaned, ‘’hold on,’’ Shizuo said, ‘’I’ll make you tea and-‘’

‘’Don’t go,’’ Izaya whined, latching onto him. He seemed to be doing that more and more, ‘’I’m really cold.’’

‘’We can’t just leave you like this. Come on, we still have some painkillers. I’ll be right back.’’

Izaya reluctantly let him go and sat up, flicking on his lamp. He sighed and rubbed his face. His head was spinning and he felt unbelievably weak. He hated being sick but that’s what he got for going swimming in the middle of December. And now he wouldn’t be able to sleep as well… Shizuo returned ten minutes later, carrying multiple things on what looked like a makeshift tray. He set a bowl of instant soup – minus the noodles – on the bedside table and passed Izaya a nice steaming cup of tea and a few painkillers. Once Izaya drank the content of the cup he felt warm and by the time he finished the soup he was almost too hot for his liking. Shizuo watched him through the ordeal with worried eyes.

‘’I’ll stay with you tomorrow,’’ he said and Izaya raised his eyebrow, surprised. After all, Shizuo loved his job, ‘’I’ll text Mina and she’ll read this in the morning. I’ll get you antibiotics tomorrow, too.’’

Izaya nodded his thanks. Shizuo crawled back into bed after sending the text and Izaya turned off the lamp. They slid down into their usual positions but Izaya knew there was no way he was going to fall asleep. Shizuo didn’t seem to mind staying up to him, but first he bundled Izaya up in the covers and pulled him against his chest tighter than usual, telling him he had to ‘sweat it out’. Izaya tucked his hand under his head, ‘’how is work?’’ he asked into the darkness.

‘’It’s good. You always ask,’’ Shizuo huffed, amused, against Izaya’s hair.

‘’Yeah but you never tell me _how_ it is. Whose Mina? Won’t they mind you not coming in?’’

‘’There’s a bunch of volunteers and workers there – eight, me included. Mina’s one of them. She showed me the ropes and everything, and we’re in charge of the same floor.’’

‘’Jheez, who would have thought Shizu-chan would make friends~’’ Izaya laughed but he felt a pang of…jealousy? He’d thought he was the sole person in Shizuo’s life, like he was in Izaya’s.

‘’Should I leave you by yourself with your fever?’’ Shizuo asked, poking his cheek from behind and them tensed up. Izaya knew something was coming, ‘’speaking of work do you, um…celebrate Christmas?’’

‘’Not really,’’ Izaya said off-handedly, ‘’I’m always busy on Christmas,’’ _and I don’t have anyone to spend it with_.

‘’Cuz there’s a Christmas eve thingy at the centre,’’ Shizuo continued, almost nervously, ‘’and I’ve been asked to supervise. But I probably would have to stay the night and there’s no way I’m leaving you alone.’’

‘’And there’s no way I’m spending my Christmas at an old people’s home,’’ Izaya said immediately, ‘’if that’s what you’re getting at.’’

Shizuo sighed, like he’d expected this response, ‘’come on, you just said you don’t do anything specific anyway. A bunch of the caretakers are away and we can’t very well leave all these people by themselves on such an important night,’’ he said.

‘’Still not going,’’ Izaya said, ‘’I’d rather be depressed at home then be depressed amongst the elderly.’’

‘’Seriously?’’ Shizuo’s grip on Izaya loosened, ‘’god, you’re so annoying. You’re just doing this to piss me off.’’

‘’What’s the big deal? Just go without me.’’

‘’Okay, I will,’’ Shizuo snapped, but still didn’t let him go, ‘’and you can stay here by yourself all night.’’

‘’Great,’’ Izaya said sarcastically. His head was spinning against from all the yelling and he groaned, pressing himself into the pillows. He half-hoped Shizuo would react and pull him closer, but the blond didn’t. Izaya sighed, ‘’you angry?’’

‘’Maybe.’’

‘’If you want to sleep, sleep,’’ was that enough of an apology?

‘’If I wanted to sleep trust me, I’d already be snoring.’’

Izaya snorted, ‘’you don’t snore,’’ he said, ‘’and thank god cuz I’d make you sleep on the couch.’’

They both knew that wasn’t an option but the tension loosened and finally Shizuo shuffled closer, brushing his thumb against Izaya’s stomach comfortingly, ‘’how do you feel?’’

‘’Shit.’’

‘’Drama queen,’’ Shizuo whispered, ‘’tell me if you need anything.’’

‘’You know I will.’’


	15. I DON'T WANT TO GO

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haha I'm a few months late with this fic but whatevs ;p ENJOY!

December 24th  

‘’Still not going.’’

Shizuo shrugged and turned away from Izaya, who was lying on the bed on his stomach, playing something on his phone. He was fully recovered from his fever and – hopefully – his stupidity. It was already five and the ‘party’ was staring at seven. Shizuo was fresh out of the shower, mussing up his damp hair that he got wet by accident, ‘’jheez, even though I said I’d drive.’’

‘’Yeah, straight into a pole,’’ Izaya snorted and Shizuo cut him a look. Izaya groaned, ‘’sorry, snowflake. I’m still not going.’’

‘’You know what, fine,’’ Shizuo said, digging around in the wardrobe. He pulled out one of his bartender shirt (he’d only taken one when he left behind his Tokyo life) and pulled it on, running his hand through his hair. He found trousers that may-or-may-not have been a part of a suit once and yanked them on, too. He looked in the wall mirror, which Izaya had put up at one point, sceptically. Then he turned to his husband, who was staring at his game, bored, ‘’how do I look?’’ he asked, irritated for no reason.

Izaya glanced at him and turned back to his game, then his head snapped back. He smirked, ‘’god, I haven’t seen you in that for ages,’’ he laughed, getting up, ‘’who are you getting so made up for, old folks?’’

‘’Maybe there’s a pretty caretaker I have my eye on?’’ Shizuo grinned and Izaya couldn’t tell if he was joking. He reached up and undid Shizuo’s top button. Then, very slowly and deliberately, he hooked his fingers under his sleeves and begun rolling them up to his elbows, keeping his eyes on Shizuo’s, who was the first to look away.

‘’If you want to drag a girl to bed, you’re going to have to do something about your hair,’’ Izaya said cheekily, strolling into Shizuo’s bathroom. It had been a few months since Shizuo dyed his hair and, although the bleach stayed on really well, his roots were prominent and eye-catching. Izaya smothered his hand in gel just as Shizuo walked in, curious, just to get a hair-full of gel. Izaya grinned as Shizuo swore at him, pulling his hair back flat against his head, Dracula-style. That way his roots were mostly hidden and, although this hairstyle made Shizuo even more handsome, Izaya liked him better with dark hair. He quickly washed his hands, ‘’there, now you can go girl hunting.’’

He expected Shizuo to snort or retort angrily but there was only a moment of silence before… ‘’you don’t care if I sleep with someone, do you?’’ he asked, voice quiet, from behind Izaya.

‘’Of course not. Knock yourself out.’’ Izaya said quickly before any other possibility came to him. That maybe he wanted Shizuo all to himself. That maybe he’d been looking forward to Christmas eve and morning with just the two of them. That maybe he wanted Shizuo to beg him to go to the centre with him, or say he wouldn’t go without him. But Shizuo didn’t and by the time Izaya dried his hands, Shizuo had left the room. Izaya emerged from the bathroom, sat on the edge of the bed and heard the front door close. He didn’t move. A moment later he heard the car start up and roar away. And then he felt so _alone_. He hadn’t felt like that for a long time. He sighed and looked at his laptop dejectedly – he didn’t feel like working. He didn’t even feel like trailing himself over to the windowsill, where the remote control lay, to turn on the TV. And it was nearly dark outside – the house was deadly quiet.

Izaya didn’t like this one bit.

*~*~*

Shizuo was surprised how vigorous the elderly were – they were determined to ‘party hard’ on the one night that they could. Even though it was seven pm, they showed no sign of sleepiness. The ones who were sick or extremely old sat in the corners eating cake Mina had baked, drinking sherry and playing board games under the colourful green and red Christmas tinsel or next to the huge Christmas tree the kindergarten kids had decorated last week as a present. The ones below seventy were on the ‘dance-floor’ – the makeshift space the caretakers had created by having Shizuo move all the usual tables out of the way and putting up a cheap disco light-bulb over the light. Now the dance-floor was dark save for the spinning circles of colour. It was occupied by the elderly – men dancing with women, women dancing with women and men dancing with men. Old groups of friends danced in little bunches, laughing. Here and there caretakers danced with the residents, or with each other. It had taken Shizuo a good two hours to set up with the rest of the team once he arrived and now he was concentrated on enjoying himself. Even if Izaya wasn’t here and he missed him. Painfully. It kind of scared him how easily attached to him he’d gotten.

‘’Shizuo, darling, come dance with me,’’ Ms She, who insisted on being called Madame She, hobbled over to Shizuo. She was one of the residents in his ward and she had just turned seventy the previous week – usually she shuffled around with the help of a cane, which she now discarded in favour of Shizuo’s shoulder and hand. She was in one of her carefully preserved dresses from her youth from when she was a model in Paris – dating all the way back to the 1960s. Her extravagance often made her clash with the women who had lived all their life working hard in the wars and in the farms. She’d never married but Mina told Shizuo that he apparently looked like one of her sweethearts so she was very fond of him. She actually showed him the picture – black and white, faded and crumpled – of him in an army suit. Shizuo personally thought the only common feature they shared was their height, broad shoulders and blond hair but the other guy had been an American soldier, while Shizuo was Japanese.

Shizuo easily spun Madame She around the dance-floor, much to her ecstatic chuckles. He practically lifted her off the floor, as she couldn’t make her legs work like they once used to.  He was happy he was able to make other happy – that’s why he loved his job so much. In Tokyo he was renowned for his monstrous strength, and his job was beating people up daily. But now he was known as the centre’s sweetheart. When he’d agreed to marry Izaya he’d been seething mad and the first months had been trying, but now Shizuo was so glad he’d moved. He loved having a peaceful life; and you didn’t get more peaceful than this town. Even if Izaya was hard to control and unpredictable, Shizuo still took this Izaya over the Ikebukuro-Izaya any day. It was almost as if the step away from actual civilisation made him work less hard to put up his know it all mask.

Once he escorted the slightly-out-of-breath Madame She to her chair at one of the tables, he was picked up by Mina. Mina was barely nineteen but she seemed to run things around here – half of town was related to her. Her situation was similar to Shizuo’s – she’d married to avoid the army. She actually wanted to go in the first place, but her two brothers jumped on the opportunity and Mina was begged by her parents to stay and take over the business – aka the residence for the elderly, where both sides of Mina’s grandparents and surviving great grandparents lived. So she’d married the first boy that proposed to her – the ‘dickhead’ of the town who’d been chasing her down since they left high school. There was only one high school in the town and the kids had to go to the next town over for college, but neither of them went. Right now Mina was working on ‘reforming’ that dickhead.

‘’Cheer up, Shizuo. I don’t think I’ve seen you smile today yet.’’ Mina said as Shizuo spun her around. The faster-paced dances had finished as the clock struck eight and soon they would be nothing more than gentle swaying as the residents were overcome by sleepiness.

‘’That’s because it’s dark,’’ Shizuo smiled to prove a point but Mina was not impressed.

She raised an eyebrow, ‘’is this about your husband? Why isn’t he here? I thought you said he’d come.’’

‘’Yes, well…apparently I don’t know him as well as I’d like to think.’’

Mina sighed through her nose, ‘’how is he, by the way? Have you had any fights?’’ other than his favourite co-worker, Mina also acted as his marriage counsellor and he as hers.

‘’No, not really. Since we…kissed…he’s been fairly compliant. But he’s not mentioned it so I figured…we’re just going to stay like this forever.’’

‘’And you don’t want to, right?’’ Mina asked, letting herself be turned again.

‘’I…don’t know what I want,’’ Shizuo said, and sighed, ‘’I don’t know when it all got so complicated. I’m not good with complicated stuff. Honestly, I just wish he’d tell me what he wants,’’ Mina gave him a sympathetic look, ‘’and how’s your husband? Reformed yet?’’

‘’Partly. He finally stopped sulking every time I said I don’t want to bang,’’ Mina said casually.

Shizuo chuckled, ‘’I don’t get it – how can you guys do it when you hate each other?’’

‘’Oh, please, he loves me,’’ Mina rolled her eyes like that was an inconvenience, ‘’but sex is good. It releases tension and brings us closer, despite everything. And it feels great.’’ Mina laughed at Shizuo’s surprised expression, ‘’seriously, you can’t get closer than that. Of course we always use a condom and stuff, but since we’re not really lovey-dovey on a daily basis, we show affection through our nightly activities,’’ she grinned, ‘’do you seriously think I reformed him with just my complaining? Maybe you should try doing it with Izaya.’’

Shizuo snorted, ‘’god, you haven’t met him. Besides, we’re both guys. And, like I said before, Izaya clearly doesn’t like me like that. Not that I like him like that either,’’ he added quickly.

Mina rolled her eyes and ignored the last remark, ‘’listen. Maybe he needs to be prompted? Like, realise he could lose you if he doesn’t get his shit together.’’

‘’Trust me, he’s not scared of that. In fact, I’m pretty sure he’s looking forward to the divorce we’re allowed to have in two years.’’

‘’I don’t think so. If he didn’t like you at all, he wouldn’t have kissed you back,’’ Mina said pointedly, ‘’what I’m thinking is he should see you with another person, or even read some suggestive text messages. Then maybe jealousy would kick in and he’d take action.’’

‘’Again, that won’t work. He literally told me to go and sleep with whoever I want before I left today,’’ he sighed, ‘’and I…that made me kind of…sad? Not even annoyed or angry, I just…I don’t know, I guess I wanted him to tell me not to, that he needed me or something.’’

Mina smiled, ‘’you’ve always been the type to want someone to take care of. Don’t worry – time will tell what he really thinks.’’

Shizuo smiled, ‘’sure, whatever you say. Merry Christmas, Mina.’’

‘’Merry Christmas, Shiz-‘’ Mina suddenly stopped and glanced over Shizuo’s shoulder, and then frowned, ‘’hey, isn’t that Izaya?’’

*~*~*

Izaya was an idiot. He rarely thought that about himself negatively but now he really had to admit he was stupid. Maybe an hour after Shizuo had left, his resolve crumbled. For fifteen minutes he searched for a taxi that would drive out to the middle of nowhere – it took the driver a straight hour to find the house. Then it’d taken them triple the time to actually get to town, because the driver was lost. He could probably get lost in the boot of his car, that’s how clueless he was. Fed up and feeling like an idiot for actually putting on a black shirt and combing his hair and coming all the way out here just to please Shizuo, Izaya paid the ridiculously high fee and jumped out. It was dark and cold and his already bad move worsened. He walked around the town aimlessly for half an hour – he so rarely came out here. But for once he was glad it was so small because it only took him thirty minutes to accidentally pick out his – their – Mercedes in the parking lot of a large, couple storey tall brick building. When he squinted he could make out the rotating lights of a disco ball on the bottom floor.

Before he could talk himself out of it, Izaya walked into the care centre. It was toasty inside, to the point where Izaya practically moaned. Even though the doors were open, the reception was empty. Izaya followed the faint sound of music into the main hall, which was more of a cleared-out space. The elderly sat against the walls, drinking and eating, looking at the dance-floor contentedly. On it the more vigorous resident were dancing, some even being spun. It didn’t take Izaya long to locate Shizuo – his eyes were drawn to him immediately. He was dancing with a pretty, young thing and Izaya had no doubt that Shizuo had picked her to warm his bed tonight. It felt like a punch to the gut. Izaya hadn’t been expecting that – he’d thought that whatever warm fondness had grown in him since their kiss would disappear if he saw Shizuo didn’t care but…it hurt. Shizuo was looking down at the girl and smiling – he didn’t even look up, didn’t feel Izaya’s presence. It was like he didn’t see anything beside the girl. They were turning in a slow circle. Shizuo looked incredibly handsome with the hair and the rolled up sleeves exposing his muscles and…

They turned and now the girl’s head was just above Shizuo’s shoulder and she was saying something but her mouth froze. Her eyes locked on Izaya, surprise glittering in them and Izaya looked away. He wouldn’t lower himself to dragging Shizuo away from a potential one night stand and he was about to leave when the girl said something to Shizuo and his husband turned. His eyes locked on Izaya as easily as Izaya’s had locked on him. _Stay there, stay there, stay there…_ Izaya found himself praying but Shizuo said something to the girl, who skipped away, and made his way to Izaya, who stood where he was, torn between running away and holding his ground.

‘’What are you doing here?’’ Shizuo asked. Not a ‘I’m glad you came’ or ‘you’re here!’ or even ‘hey’. It sounded demanding and unpleasant and Izaya really, really felt like an idiot.

‘’I…’’ he scrambled for an excuse. God, he’d lost his wits, spending all this time cooped up in the house, ‘’you forgot something at home.’’

Shizuo glanced away, ‘’oh…thanks for bringing it.’’ He extended his hand but Izaya’s mind had gone blank. There was nothing he could give Shizuo that would justify why he came all this way just to give it to him, ‘’well? What did I forget?’’ heat crept up Izaya’s neck, threatening to spill on his cheek and he really, _really_ didn’t want Shizuo to see.

So he slipped his hand into his waiting fingers, ‘’me, obviously,’’ he said, forcing his tone to be at its usual ignorant tone, and pulled Shizuo towards the dance-floor. It wasn’t like he wanted to dance but he couldn’t very well stand in one spot and wait till embarrassment made him run back outside. Shizuo’s hand was limp in Izaya’s, even as he followed him onto the dance-floor and for the first time Izaya realised that maybe he wasn’t the one who got to decide when he wanted or didn’t want Shizuo’s never ending affection – that maybe Shizuo didn’t care nearly as much as Izaya hoped he did. Shizuo stood opposite Izaya and, to Izaya’s embarrassment he had to move his hands himself to his waist, because Shizuo was unresponsive, ‘’dance properly, or I’m going home,’’ he said, maybe a little snobbily. What he really wanted to say was ‘ _dance with me_ ’ but he didn’t have enough courage – he wouldn’t have thought he was a coward, but apparently he was, ‘’or do you want me to go?’’ this came out almost bitterly.

Finally Shizuo’s hands, tightened on his hips and then looped around his waist completely, pulling him closer, ‘’no. No, of course not. I’m just…in shock,’’ Shizuo smiled and Izaya put his hands on his broad shoulders, ‘’I didn’t expect you to come.’’

‘’Yeah, well, I got bored,’’ why did Izaya feel like whatever he said, Shizuo still knew the truth?

Shizuo smiled and pulled Izaya even closer, swaying him gently to the music. Izaya pressed his face into his neck and wound his arms around it, allowing himself a few minutes of just feeling good, without thinking about what Shizuo thought of him or what consequences his actions would have, ‘’I’m glad you came,’’ Shizuo murmured against his ear. There. Finally. Izaya’s heart fluttered at those words. He didn’t reply, just squeezed Shizuo tighter.

‘’Sorry,’’ he muttered eventually, ‘’for being a dick.’’

Instead of replying, Shizuo moved his hand to the back of Izaya’s neck and went down, caressing him along his spine like a cat with one long, slow stroke. Izaya found he was unable to breathe, from such a simple, loving gesture. And he also found he couldn’t control himself. Before he could talk himself into doing otherwise, Izaya pulled away an inch and connected their lips. It was a simple, short peck, because Izaya felt like he ought to give Shizuo some affection back, but the effect was completely opposite to what Izaya expected. Shizuo’s whole body went rigid. He was tensed up and he stopped dancing, taking a step back to look down at Izaya with a mixture of shock and disbelief swimming in his eyes.

Now Izaya really felt god-damned stupid.

And this time he ran.

‘’I’m gonna get some air,’’ he might or might not have mumbled, prying himself from Shizuo and escaping from the suddenly suffocating crowd. He located a pair of stairs opening up to the second floor before he found the exit doors so he went up doors and by the time he got to the third floor he was running. Here were the patient’s rooms and in the dark the long corridor looked ghastly, like something out of a horror movie. Izaya did not feel like going into any of those but then he didn’t want to go back downstairs either. He gathered his courage and ran straight for one of the doors, shoving them open…

…and getting a face-full of cold night air.

He shivered in just his shirt – he’d discarded his coat at the reception desk – and stepped out fully into the balcony, not bothering to close the doors behind him. The night was dark as ink – here there were no neon signs, sky scrapers or clubs to provide artificial light all night long. The town was fast asleep, the only source of movement being the occasional car driving past. This town woke up early and went to sleep early. From this height Izaya couldn’t even tell where the town ended and the endless fields of nothing begun. He couldn’t see the sea – he didn’t like that. He’d gotten used to having it right outside his door.

Izaya put his hands on the freezing cold rail, working off the blush that quickly gave way to red cheeks from the biting cold. He’d probably get sick again if he stayed here but, not for the first time, Izaya realised he had nowhere else to go. If it came to it, Shizuo could go to one of the caretaker’s or even get a spare room in the centre. Izaya had nowhere. He was worried he’d start crying when suddenly a warm, soft weight was dumped over his back. Izaya grabbed the edges of Shizuo’s coat before it could slip off his shoulders and wrapped it around himself. He felt more than saw Shizuo lean against the barrier next to him. Neither said anything for a while. And then Shizuo’s arm snaked around Izaya’s waist and pulled him against his warm chest. Izaya turned, hiding his hands underneath a jumper Shizuo had throw on, one warming against the small of his back, the other against his stomach. Izaya glanced up, almost shyly, and found a little red ember floating in the darkness.

‘’You shouldn’t smoke. It’s bad for you-‘’

‘’and you don’t like the smell,’’ Shizuo recited for him and Izaya felt silly. It felt as if all he did was nag and nag and nag… ‘’I know. I’ve decided to stop as soon as new year’s comes around,’’ Izaya had the feeling Shizuo was looking down at him and smiling, but he couldn’t be sure in the darkness, ‘’so let me have one more week of this,’’ the ember flared as Shizuo took a drag.

Izaya wrinkled his nose, ‘’I hate smoking,’’ he grumbled.

‘’I know. That’s why I’m going to quit,’’ he whispered and took another drag, ‘’why do you hate it?’’

‘’I don’t like the smell and I cough every time I try to take a drag,’’ Izaya said.

Shizuo laughed, ‘’so you hate it because you can’t do it?’’ Izaya pinched his abs through his shirt in retaliation and, to his surprise; Shizuo chuckled again and leaned his cheek against his dark hair, referring from taking a drag for a moment. Then, ‘’here, let’s try something. Tilt your head this way.’’ Izaya obediently looked in Shizuo’s direction and tipped his head backwards, eyebrow raised sceptically even though Shizuo couldn’t see it. The ember flared again and a second later Izaya felt the softest brush of lips against his as Shizuo blew smoke into his mouth. Their lips were barely touching but it still warmed Izaya. He closed his eyes for a few seconds, inhaling the smoke which had no trouble going in, and then moved his head to blow it out into the night. They finished the cigarette like that in a few puffs and then the ember was tossed over the rail and all was dark again.

‘’It’s so dark here,’’ Izaya voiced his thoughts.

Shizuo tucked the coat closer around him, ‘’I don’t know, I like it,’’ he said, shrugging. His hand slipped under his jumper and found Izaya’s. Izaya didn’t jerk back when he begun caressing the back of it, ‘’I mean, look up.’’

Izaya hadn’t actually looked up yet, and since he didn’t go out much in the night he wasn’t used to the mad splatter of constellations that were clearly visible in the sky. In Tokyo, you were lucky if you saw the north star before all the lights were turned on, but here the view was breath-taking, ‘’pretty,’’ Izaya admitted. He felt Shizuo gently kiss the top of his head.

‘’Are you angry because I jerked back?’’ Shizuo asked.

‘’I’m not angry.’’

Shizuo ignored his denial, ‘’I was shocked. Again. You’re full of surprises today,’’ Shizuo kissed his head again, ‘’but I didn’t dislike it. In fact, I actually really-‘’

‘’That’s okay,’’ Izaya felt nervously embarrassed, ‘’you don’t have to explain. I shouldn’t have done that.’’

Shizuo hesitated but he knew the conversation had come to an end, so he just mumbled, ‘’well, I’m glad you did,’’ and then went back to holding Izaya against his side and staring up.

They danced a little more downstairs and Izaya actually played a round of chess with Madame She (she finally had worthy opponent). They were allocated one of the spare rooms, where there was a single bed, so Shizuo practically slept on top of Izaya. The raven was glad for the extra warmth, even though he complained about it for a while, before curling up under his husband, his back to his chest as always, his arm wrapped securely around Izaya. In the morning they woke up, said ‘merry Christmas’ to each other and padded downstairs, where the other caretakers had prepared a Christmas breakfast of turkey sandwiches, cake and tea. They urged Shizuo to go home to celebrate with Izaya and for once Shizuo didn’t argue back. Equipped with a shitload of turkey sandwiches and leftover cake, they drove home in the Mercedes and spent the rest of the morning in front of the TV, munching on the sandwiches. For Christmas dinner they had whatever was left from the party, plus all the instant noodle soups they could find and spaghetti – not your standard Christmas chew, but Izaya loved it. It was his first Christmas spent properly and, even though there were no presents, Christmas trees or carols, he was happier than he’d ever been. After dinner Shizuo washed up and Izaya vacuumed the whole house. They finished painting the attic and, splattered with paint, they went to their respective bathrooms, Izaya for a bath and Shizuo for a long shower. Then they watched another movie and went to sleep.

And that was how they spent their first Christmas together.


	16. I DON'T WANT TO BE CALLED THAT

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> HEYOOOO GUYSSS   
> OKAY ENJOY THIS YAAAA?   
> YAAAAA!

December 31st

It was eight pm on New Year’s eve when they heard the noise. Izaya was straight out of the shower, his hair dripping wet. As was customary for them now, he sat between Shizuo’s legs on the floor so his husband could blow dry his hair. But half-way through the session, Shizuo heard a rumble outside. ‘’Did you hear that?’’ he asked quietly before realising that Izaya couldn’t hear him over the roar of the blow drier. Feeling like an idiot, he systematically moved the blow-drier around, running his hand through Izaya’s soft hair. He knew he shouldn’t be panicking but truth be told ever since Izaya got stabbed he had a feeling someone was out to get the raven. The fact that Izaya stayed at home by himself in the middle of nowhere for most of the day didn’t help; if Shizuo volunteered to quit his job, Izaya would tell him to fuck off, probably. He sighed, the noise absorbed by the hum of the machine. Then he heard something again – voices. Muffled. He turned off the blow drier, ‘’did you…’’

‘’Hear something strange?’’ Izaya asked casually but there was a strain in his voice that usually wasn’t there, ‘’probably some kind of a wild animal. Finish my hair.’’ But Shizuo had gotten up to peer out of the window. Izaya gave a laboured sigh, ‘’the police said it was a random attack. Stop stressing over it.’’

‘’It’s New Year’s Eve and we’re in the middle of nowhere. There shouldn’t be anyone making noise down there,’’ Shizuo said pointedly.

Izaya threw his hand in the air, ‘’I told you, it’s probably an animal.’’ He picked up the blow-drier, ‘’or some lame kids getting drunk at eight.’’

Shizuo hovered by the window for a second, looking out into the murky darkness. The moon reflected in the sea. Finally, he pulled away, ‘’I’m gonna go check. Just in case.’’

Izaya stood up, ‘’seriously?’’

‘’Stay here.’’

‘’No way. This is turning into an action movie,’’ he stormed up to Shizuo, ‘’I hate action movies. And if someone’s out for me, I don’t want to die with damp hair. Can you just please-‘’ Izaya cut off as there was a noise and then the doors downstairs creaked open. Izaya didn’t mean to, but he grabbed Shizuo’s wrist, to keep him in place or to give himself courage, he didn’t know, ‘’you didn’t lock the doors?’’ he hissed.

‘’You wanted me to get take-out!’’ Shizuo hissed back.

‘’Oh my- lock the fucking doors next time!’’ Izaya growled. He turned to look for his knife, which he hadn’t taken out since those first weeks with Shizuo, when the lights went out, ‘’what are you doing?’’

‘’it’s better they don’t know we’re here.’’

Izaya stated at Shizuo in the darkness for a few seconds, ‘’you really are an idiot. I think they know we’re here already.’’ He finally found his knife, ‘’right, I’m going downstairs.’’

Shizuo stretched out a hand before Izaya could move past him, ‘’no way.’’

‘’Move.’’

Shizuo opened the doors to the bedroom, ‘’I’m going first.’’

‘’I can take care of myself-‘’

‘’No. You can’t,’’ Shizuo said harshly and Izaya blanched. Then he was out of the doors and Izaya had no choice but to follow him, gripping his knife. They walked slowly down stairs. Now they could clearly hear whispering and commotion – the intruders were in the kitchen. When they got to the bottom of the stairs, Shizuo held out his arm again to shield Izaya. Downstairs everything was dark – they couldn’t see anything until a black, whispering mass appeared in the living room doors. Izaya glanced at Shizuo but he couldn’t see his face in the dark. And then the black mass swore and someone went ‘turn on the lights!’ and the living room was flooded with light. Izaya blinked a few times, knocked off balance when…

‘’SURPRISE!’’

The next thing Izaya knew was that he was being pulled into a hug by the headless rider of Tokyo. Celty clung to him tight and only after a few seconds did he shake off the shock enough to tuck his unnoticed knife into his back pocket and wrap his arms around her. He hadn’t seen her for over half a year and, strangely enough, he found he hadn’t missed her. Not with Shizuo around all the time. Still, he smirked when she pulled back, ‘’you nearly gave us a heart attack, sneaking in here like that.’’

Celty typed words into her pad, her fingers light-speed, _Sorry! We thought we’d surprise you for New Years. We’ve brought alcohol and fireworks!_

‘’Ah, then I guess I’ll forgive you~’’ Izaya said, relief finally flooding his body at the knowledge that he wasn’t being hunted by a face-less killer.

Kadota, who was behind Celty, lifted a bag once he finished greeting Shizuo, ‘’we brought take out, too.’’

Within minutes they were settled in the living-room. Kadota and Shizuo hauled down the TV from the bedroom so they could have MTV playing in the background while they talked and ate. Shizuo and Izaya quickly found out that Celty and Shinra were happily married (Shinra was actually happy about the decree since now Celty couldn’t say no to his proposal). Erica, who was obsessing over Shizuo’s half-brown hair and in general Shizuo and Izaya still being alive after half a year of living together, had married her best friend, Walker. They lived platonically and their whole house was decorated with merchandise (Kadota knew – he’d been). Togusa and Varona had gone to military service and were off for a few more days, while Kadota himself married a friend of Simon’s, Natalya – a half Russian, half Japanese beauty that proved herself to be the heart of a party.

Alcohol was passed around. Izaya, who had an affinity for beer (strangely enough), downed two cans before nine pm, his comment about ‘lame kids getting drunk at eight’ ignored. Shizuo himself had a beer, although he didn’t like the taste so he held it loosely in his hand, accepting shots of sweet Eastern European Vodka every time Varona of Kadota’s girlfriend offered. He’d missed his friends but he couldn’t quite loosen up. Izaya was sitting on the opposite side of the room, chatting with Celty and Erika, while the guy’s and Natalya banded together, exchanging stories of their lives since they left Tokyo. At one point Izaya’s half of the room started a drinking contest, at which point Natalya went to join in. Shizuo couldn’t help but glance at Izaya every few minutes, but the raven didn’t look at him and made no move to come and…and what? It wasn’t like they were cuddly all the time – they hugged at night, but that was it. Dejected, Shizuo sighed and took a large gulp of his bitter beer. His eyes slid back to Izaya as he took a shot of bright red liquid, following it with a laugh and a sip of beer.

‘’Is Izaya being awful or are you getting along?’’ Kadota asked, bringing Shizuo down from Planet Izaya.

‘’Huh? Oh, yeah, no, he’s fine. Most of the time,’’ Shizuo said.

Walker grinned, ‘’so are you guy’s friends, or are you properly married?’’

Shizuo flushed, ‘’what are you asking?’’ Walked wiggled his eyebrows suggestively and Shizuo flipped him off. Togusa chuckled and Kadota whacked him upside the head.

‘’Idiot. They used to hate each other; don’t expect a miracle.’’ He said and somehow that hurt because it was so true. They had hated each other.

Shizuo rubbed his face and drank his beer. He was over thinking everything. Even though he told himself that the kiss in the shower hadn’t meant anything, Izaya running to the Christmas party for him had unbalanced his conviction. You didn’t do that if you didn’t like someone. He’d kissed him – not properly, just a peck, but he’d done it, without Shizuo doing it first. That had to mean something, right? So why was Izaya all the way on the other couch, pointedly ignoring him?

‘’Hey, you lot, come sit with us!’’ Kadota called over the music to the Izaya & co corner. They obediently shuffled over to where the boys were sitting. Shizuo was unable to look at Izaya, somehow. He instead look at Natalya, who sat down against Kadota’s leg and let her husband stroke her hair. Erika went over to Walker, whom she shared a shot with. Celty sat comfortably in Shinra’s lap. Shizuo looked away. There was no point lingering on-

The beer can slipped out of his hand and he looked to his side. Izaya had plopped down on the arm of the couch and downed the rest of his beer in three gulps. He shuddered, licking his lips, ‘’so warm.’’ He touched the tip of the can to Shizuo’s head. ‘’get me a new one. They’re in the fridge.’’

Shizuo took the can from him and set it on the table, ‘’I think you’ve had enough. You shouldn’t mix.’’

Izaya rolled his eyes, ‘’fine, I’ll get it myself.’’ He stood up and stumbled.

Shizuo groaned, standing also, ‘’Celty, I thought you of all people would know when he had enough,’’ he picked Izaya up and dumped him on the couch, much to everyone’s surprise. Then he walked into the kitchen.

Izaya giggled, ‘’thanks, Shizu-chan!~’’ he called. He turned to Shinra and Celty, who were also occupying the couch, and took a shot glass out of the Dullahan’s hand. He tilted it and sighed, disappointed, when he found he was empty, ‘’Natalyaaaaa~’’ he whined.

Suddenly Natalya exploded with laugher, ‘’ _o moj Boze_ , he’s drunk!’’ she squealed.

Kadota groaned, ‘’oh god, so are you.’’

Varona glanced at her and raised an eyebrow, ‘’are you really Polish?’’

Togusa shook his head, ‘’such weak alcohol tolerance. Hey, Walker, is Erica drunk?’’ he turned to his friend and snorted when he saw that Erica was, indeed, drunk – and so was Walker. They were swaying together to the music, leaning against each other on the floor.

‘’Hey, Shizuo, get water!’’ Kadota yelled.

Shizuo came back with a large bottle of water in one hand and a can of beer in the other. He passed the water around and squeezed himself in next to Izaya, who made a grab for the beer. Shizuo caught his wrist, ‘’water first.’’

Izaya pouted, ‘’aw, Shizu-chan~ you’re no fun. I want the beer!’’

‘’Well, you can’t always get what you want,’’ Shizuo said, maybe a little too bitterly, but no one noticed, watching Izaya’s attempts to grab the beer with amusement.

When he couldn’t snatch it out of Shizuo’s hand, Izaya pouted some more and then grabbed Shizuo’s shirt, yanking him down lower so they were face to face, ‘’please?~’’ when Shizuo didn’t react, he pecked his lips, like he had at the Christmas party. Shizuo jerked back, stunned, while the rest of the non-intoxicated room watched in shock. But Izaya didn’t notice, instead continuing to whine, ‘’please, pretty please~’’ he was leaning in for another kiss.

Embarrassed, Shizuo shoved the can into his waiting hand, ‘’drink slowly,’’ he said, standing up. It was a little past eleven pm now, ‘’I’m gonna get a cigarette.’’ Before anyone could stop him he walked into the kitchen, shrugged his coat on and walked outside. Next to the Mercedes, the gang’s van was parked – that was what probably made the roaring sound Shizuo heard. Shizuo took out the last cigarette in his packet which he had been saving – his final smoke, like he’d promised. He lit it and inhaled the first lungful of smoke with relish. It calmed him down, made him not think about Izaya. He took another puff and blew it out into the night sky, listening to the distant hum of the sea.

He was half-done with his cigarette when there was a curse and Izaya stumbled out in just his t-shirt, the beer can still in his hand. He gasped when he saw Shizuo, pointing a finger, ‘’there you are!’’ he said, giggling, and wobbled down the stairs.

‘’Go back inside,’’ Shizuo said, half-heartedly. He couldn’t deal with Izaya right now, especially not a smashed-off-his-head Izaya, ‘’it’s cold.’’

‘’it’s not~’’ Izaya threw his arms wide and wobbled precariously on the edge of the last step. Shizuo kissed his teeth and caught him with one hand before he toppled over, guiding him down.

‘’What did I say?’’ he asked sternly.

Izaya giggled and flicked his nose, ‘’that it’s cold.’’

Shizuo sighed and released him, ‘’well, go back inside.’’

‘’You shouldn’t smoke~’’ Izaya laughed, latching onto Shizuo’s arm.

Shizuo shrugged him off, ‘’don’t be irritating,’’ he snapped, turning away and inhaling smoke again. He felt Izaya stop in the corner of his vision, kind of freeze over, before he was in front of him, his brows scrunched up comedically.

‘’Why are you angry?’’

‘’I’m not. Am I not allowed a few minutes to myself?’’ Shizuo snapped.

Izaya crossed his arms over his chest, pouting, finally feeling the cold, ‘’well, it’s just cause Erica fell asleep on Walker’s lap and Varona and Togusa went to take shots in the kitchen and Kadota and Natalya started making out and Shinra and Celty went upstairs so I…I just thought…I’d come to you.’’ He turned away, ‘’it’s fine though. I’ll go back,’’ he turned away and took an unstable step towards the house. Shizuo dropped his last cigarette onto the floor, unfinished, and extinguished it under his shoe before grabbing Izaya’s hand and whirling him around. He tilted his chin up – like he suspected, Izaya’s dark eyes were swimming with tears.

Shizuo sighed, releasing his chin, ‘’who would have thought Izaya Orihara would be an emotional drunk.’’

Izaya ripped his arm away in a sudden violent outburst, ‘’it’s not Izaya Orihara anymore!’’ he yelled. Shizuo let go, shocked, and Izaya, unstable, wobble and ended up sitting on one of the steps. And then he started crying.

Shizuo watched him helplessly, ‘’I’m never giving you alcohol again.’’

‘’Shut up,’’ Izaya snapped through the tears, wiping at them with his wrists. Shizuo unzipped his coat and threw it over Izaya’s shoulders, kneeling on the ground so they were face-to-face.

‘’Come on,’’ Shizuo said, coaxing his goose-bumped arms into the sleeves and zipping him up. The jacket was too big for him and now he had enough sleeves to wipe his tears away. Shizuo touched a tear rolling down his cheek thoughtfully, ‘’I thought you were angry because I told you that you couldn’t look after yourself.’’ Izaya shook his head. Shizuo cupped his cheek in his hand, brushing away a tear, ‘’hey. Tell me what you think about me. Honestly.’’

Izaya laughed, sniffing, ‘’that’s not fair, Shizu-chan~ You shouldn’t ask when I’m drunk, I might say something stupid~’’ when Shizuo didn’t respond he sniffed again and pressed his small hand over Shizuo’s, glancing up at him with red-rimmed, glistening eyes, ‘’ask me when I’m sober, kay?’’

‘’Kay,’’ Shizuo kissed the top of his head and for once Izaya didn’t protest.

‘’And for the record,’’ Izaya brushed away the last of his tears, ‘’I’m Izaya Heiwajima. So start calling me by my real name.’’

Shizuo flushed at that. This kind of thing confused him – sometimes Izaya was cold and unapproachable, and the next it was almost as if he wanted to be with Shizuo. He kissed the top of his head again, deciding not to think about it anymore, ‘’okay, Izaya Heiwajima. Are you warm enough?’’

‘’Yeah,’’ Izaya whispered, digging around in the pockets of his jeans till he found his phone. He turned it on, glanced at it and then put it back in his pocket, ‘’its five minutes till midnight.’’

‘’I guess everyone else is busy,’’ Shizuo got up with a smile. He found that he didn’t mind – he almost didn’t want them to come out here. He sat down one step higher than Izaya and together they watched the dark sky, full of stars. Izaya slipped his cold hand into Shizuo’s. The blond – or brunette now – laced their fingers together and held them in his lap. Izaya was slowly sobering up. Very slowly. A few individual fireworks went off in the direction of the town.

January 1st

‘’Happy new year, Shizu-chan,’’ Izaya said, squeezing his hand.

Shizuo turned to him and leaned down, nuzzling his lips against Izaya’s cheek in a lingering kiss, ‘’there, a New year’s kiss. Don’t be sad anymore.’’

Izaya blushed, from alcohol or embarrassment or the cold, and grinned, ‘’okay.’’

The doors were thrown open and the guests spilled outside, whooping and singing and yelling ‘HAPPY NEW YEAR!’ The fireworks were set up by the sober people and more alcohol was passed around. Izaya was separated from Shizuo and the next time Shizuo actually spotted him he was back on the couch, passed out. Shizuo carried him upstairs to their bedroom as everyone settled on whatever surface (Erika slept on the kitchen counter) for the rest of the night. In the morning the very grumpy, hung-over lot of guests got in their van and drove away. Shizuo spent the day cleaning up and attending to an equally grumpy, hung-over Izaya.

He couldn’t gather the courage to ask him the previous night’s question.


	17. I DON'T WANT ONE (but I'll get you one)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT NOTICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
> OR MORE LIKE - A REQUEST???  
> If y'all like my style of writing, pls pls pls go check out my original work which is an Omega-verse, prince-and-kings, Game-of-thrones, arranged-marriage kinda ish. I know the fans of this story are super supportive so I'd love it if you read the other story as well ^_^   
> Without further ado, enjoy~

January 13th

Shizuo came home to find Izaya plucking piano keys. He wasn’t particularly good, but just seeing him with a relaxed mouth and downcast eyes, his fingers working on the keys, caused a rush of affection to course through Shizuo. Right up to the point where he realised that there was a freaking grand piano in their living room, ‘’Izaya…’’ he began, stunned, the bag of groceries he’d gotten on the way slipping from his fingers, ‘’what are you doing?’’

‘’I’m playing the piano,’’ Izaya replied causally, his fingers still working over the keys.

‘’I see that,’’ Shizuo crossed the living room slowly and touched the piano. It was crammed in on one side of the couch, making the living room seem smaller, but it was definitely new, ‘’but we, uh… don’t have a piano?’’

‘’We do now.’’ Izaya shrugged, and then sighed when he hit a bad note, finally closing the lid and leaning on it, glancing up at Shizuo.

Shizuo sighed, long and pained, and rubbed his forehead, ‘’do I even want to know how much it cost?’’

Izaya pouted, ‘’what? I’m allowed to have nice things once in a while.’’

‘’Okay, yeah, but did you have to get a _piano_? A keyboard would do the job.’’

Izaya cringed, ‘’keyboards are for kids, and I…’’ he opened the lid, ‘’…am the next Mozart.’’

‘’Of course you are.’’

Izaya smirked up at him, beginning to pluck keys again, ‘’when I become successful and famous, I’m gonna give a thank you speech when I pick up my trophy and I’ll make sure to say ‘no thanks to my dear husband, Shizuo Heiwajima, who didn’t support me in my journey’. ‘’

Shizuo rolled his eyes, ‘’right, right. At least get a tutorial up on YouTube before one of us goes deaf,’’ he hesitated and then ruffled Izaya’s hair. Izaya looked surprised and Shizuo grinned, ‘’what do you want for dinner, Mr Mozart?’’

Izaya tried to fight off a smile, but couldn’t, ‘’what are the options.’’

‘’Um, spaghetti. Or grilled cheese.’’

Izaya sighed, turning back to his piano, ‘’I’ll have the cheese. If I see pasta within the next week, I’m gonna hurl. Can’t we have chicken, for once? Or sushi,’’ he looked in the direction of the kitchen longingly, ‘’god, I miss tuna.’’

‘’Well, I can’t make sushi. And there’s none in the supermarket,’’ Shizuo began to walk in the direction of the kitchen, picking up the grocery bag, ‘’if you’re so bored all the time, you can learn how to make that.’’ He added cheekily before disappearing in the kitchen.

‘’I’m not gonna become famous for making sushi!’’ Izaya called, the smiled to himself and reached for his laptop to get a tutorial up.

He plucked the piano for the rest of the evening. He was a fast learner – by the time dinner was ready, he could play a simple tune. They ate together in front of the TV. Then Shizuo went to take a shower. When he came back, Izaya was curled in a ball in the corner of the couch in the dark living room, watching some erotic Spanish movie with subtitles. He looked bored, and he had bare arms around himself, his toes curled. He didn’t lift his head when Shizuo entered, ‘’make me tea~’’

‘’Say please,’’ Shizuo sighed, flicking his forehead as he walked past, but obediently turned the kettle on. By the time he came back with a mug of tea, Izaya had sat up, his knees brought up to his chest.

‘’Thanks,’’ Izaya smiled, taking the tea in both hands to warm them. He sipped the burning liquid; Shizuo really made the best tea. Something warm and fluffy was dumped over his shoulders; his fluffy blanket.

‘’Don’t sit on the couch in just a t-shirt. You’ll get sick again,’’ Shizuo brushed his hand through his dark hair, once, and turned to go.

Izaya caught his wrist with one hand before he could fully turn, ‘’watch the movie with me,’’ he said quickly and Shizuo glanced at him, surprised. Half his face was illuminated by the light from the TV. He didn’t argue with Izaya, coming round to sit next to him. Izaya dropped his hand and sipped his tea. He extended his mug to Shizuo, ‘’want some?’’

Shizuo took a sip and cringed, ‘’ugh, that needs sugar.’’ He always made tea to Izaya’s liking – no sugar, strong – but he couldn’t stomach his own creations. Izaya chuckled and finished his tea, putting the empty mug on the floor.

‘’Do you want some blanket?’’

‘’I’m cool,’’ Shizuo said, and surprised Izaya by taking the corners and tucking them around him, practically wrapping him in a cocoon. The Spanish movie got to the steamy scenes and Shizuo cringed, ‘’let’s change that.’’

‘’Okay,’’ Izaya freed his hand and reached for the remote control between them at the same time as Shizuo. Their hands met. Shizuo jerked his hand back with the remote and quickly flicked through the channels, finding an old western movie. He put the remote control on his other side, his hand falling back next to Izaya’s. Izaya hadn’t moved his hand, frozen. It was weird – they’d touched before, but this time it had been too much like a movie. Still, when Shizuo’s hand returned, Izaya didn’t move his. He wanted to see what Shizuo would do – if he would do anything.

Izaya felt the gentle press of Shizuo’s pinkie against his. Then it was gone, replaced by Shizuo’s curled pointing finger, stroking the back of his hand shyly. When Izaya didn’t move his hand, Shizuo gently lifted it into his lap and begun playing with his fingers. Izaya let him, wondering how it was possible that Shizuo simply touching his hand made him feel so…happy. Shizuo took one of his silver rings and begun twisting it absentmindedly. Finally Izaya gave in and cuddled up against Shizuo’s side. Shizuo dropped his hand and opened his arm welcomingly. Like a cat, Izaya curled against him, letting that arm fall around his shoulders They watched the western in silence. When Shizuo shifted, Izaya felt something strange press against his cheek. He turned his head. Shizuo, the hypocrite, was only wearing a t-shirt himself and there was a smoke patch on his arm that Izaya hadn’t noticed. He frowned, ‘’is that…?’’

‘’Yup,’’ Shizuo dipped his head and pressed a kiss to his forehead. Izaya didn’t react like he usually did, ‘’you told me to quit smoking, remember?’’

Izaya grinned and huffed an affectionate laugh, settling back against his husband, ‘’yeah, I remember that.’’

*~*~*

January 28th

‘’Okay, don’t freak out,’’ Shizuo was surprised when, upon entering their house after work, Izaya popped up right in front of his face. He looked a little excited; Shizuo hadn’t seen him like that before. _Cute_ , he thought, ‘’but I got you a present.’’

‘’Huh? Why?’’ Shizuo asked suspiciously.

Izaya blanched, ‘’it’s your birthday, isn’t it? Or did I get that wrong,’’ he mumbled to himself.

‘’What date is it?’’

‘’Twenty-eighth.’’

‘’Oh, shit, it _is_ my birthday,’’ Shizuo face-palmed, ‘’totally forgot.’’

‘’Well, your loving husband didn’t,’’ Izaya assured with a grin, ‘’do you want to see it?’’

‘’See what?’’

‘’Your present,’’ Izaya rolled his eyes, ‘’you’re slower than usual today.’’

Shizuo shuffled uncomfortably, ‘’I’m uh…not good with presents. Like, I have to pretend to like it, right?’’

Izaya flicked his nose, ‘’take your shoes off. And don’t worry; you’ll genuinely like it.’’ Suspicious, Shizuo took his coat off and shook off his shoes before following Izaya upstairs. The raven went past the bedroom, whistling softly, and climbed up the stairs to the attic. He stopped there, ‘’watch out, he’s a scratcher,’’ he said with a wink and opened the doors. Shizuo stepped in cautiously, not knowing what to expect, when a little black ball shot at him and landed on his chest. Surprised, Shizuo stumbled backwards and fell, to find a white cat with a black patch around his nose in his lap, staring at him curiously with huge eyes.

Shizuo’s mouth fell open, ‘’is that…?’’

‘’A cat? Yes,’’ Izaya said smugly.

‘’You…got me a cat?’’ Shizuo asked disbelievingly.

‘’Yeah. You like cats, right?’’

‘’Yeah,’’ Shizuo breathed and grinned, stroking the cat’s head with his large hand, ‘’god, I…thanks, I mean…you’re right,’’ Shizuo grinned up at him, ‘’I do genuinely like it. Damn, I’ve always wanted a cat,’’ he gushed, turning back to the pet who was now purring under his touch.

‘’He likes you,’’ Izaya crouched down by Shizuo, ‘’lucky. The bastard scratched the hell out of me when I let him out of the box.’’

‘’I’m sorry about your hardships,’’ Shizuo said with a happy grin, ‘’does he have a name?’’

‘’He’s your present. You name him,’’ Izaya said.

‘’Uh…okay…fluffy?’’

Izaya gave him a long look, ‘’you’re joking, right?’’

‘’Okay, then…Onigiri. I like Onigiri. And he kind of looks like Onigiri.’’

Izaya snorted, ‘’alright. Onigiri it is.’’

Shizuo beamed up at him, ‘’thank you.’’

Izaya shrugged, ‘’happy birthday, Shizu-chan.’’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: Shizuo's actual birthday is on the 28th of Jan :)


	18. I DON'T WANT ANYTHING

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> HIIIII SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING FOR AGES I'VE BEEN WORKING ON MY ORIGINAL WORK PLS ENJOY THIS CHAPPIE <3

February 6th  

Late, scarce and short-lived, the snow finally came, and with it a change in Izaya.

On February 6th, Shizuo woke up groggily in an empty bed. He patted Izaya’s side but it was cold, so he must have been up for a while. Izaya wasn’t a late sleeper, but he tried to stay in bed as long as possible so he wouldn’t get bored too quickly. Between the Yoga and the piano, there wasn’t much else to do but work, and even that had grown tedious. His space on the bed was occupied by Onigiri, whom Shizuo quickly discovered was a fat, lazy shit. He loved him anyway, though. Shizuo reached down and flicked his phone off the floor, checking the time. He sighed; his alarm clock hadn’t rung again. His phone was worn out and cracked, and he definitely needed a new one. But he’d woken up a few minutes after seven, around the time he usually hauled himself out of bed, so he didn’t have to rush for the beginning of his shift at nine. He took a quick shower and got dressed. It had been a long time since he’d worn his bartender clothes. He padded downstairs into the living room, but Izaya wasn’t there and his laptop was closed. Shizuo found him in the kitchen, preparing…lunch?

Amongst other appliances deemed useless by Shizuo, Izaya had a rice cooker, from which he was currently taking out rice, ‘’good morning?’’ Shizuo rubbed the back of his head, confused, ‘’going somewhere?’’

‘’Nope,’’ Izaya said cheerfully, popping the ‘P’. He was wearing Shizuo’s apron, and the sight of him in it made Shizuo grin, ‘’I’m making lunch.’’

‘’I can see that,’’ Shizuo approached, and peered over his shoulder. There was a blue lunchbox with fenced-off spaces, most already occupied. There was what looked like an omelette, and a few instant chicken spring rolls. Divided by a green divider were carefully cup apple bunnies and orange slices. Izaya packed the rice into the largest, empty space and patted it with a wooden spoon before sprinkling rice seasoning on top, ‘’why do you need lunch?’’

‘’It’s not for me, silly,’’ Izaya rolled his eyes before closing the lunch box, ‘’it’s for you.’’

Shizuo looked at him, startled, ‘’f-for…me?’’

‘’Want me to write it for you? A visual guide?’’ Izaya teased, but he looked a little embarrassed as he wrapped the lunch in a cloth, tying the top in a knot and extending it to Shizuo. The taller man took it gingerly, still looking surprised, ‘’go, or you’ll be late.’’

‘’Thanks,’’ Shizuo breathed finally, unzipping his backpack and putting the lunch box carefully at the bottom. He zipped it up and threw it over his shoulder, before turning to the doors and putting on his shoes, ‘’see you after work.’’

‘’Don’t forget your coat,’’ Izaya said quietly.

Shizuo glanced at him. He was leaning on the counter, like he didn’t know what to do with himself, fingers fidgeting, staring at the opposite wall. A wave of fondness for the raven washed over Shizuo, and he turned to Izaya fully, ‘’if I’m getting a lunch,’’ he said, ‘’can I get a good-bye kiss as well?’’

If Izaya was startled by the request, he didn’t show it. Instead he cocked his head to the side and smirked, ‘’aren’t you being greedy?’’

‘’Maybe I am,’’ Shizuo shrugged but did not withdraw his request, so Izaya walked around the counter, taking his time. Shizuo could have sworn that he was blushing as he stood on his tip toes and pressed a kiss to his cheek.

‘’See you after work,’’ he mirrored Shizuo’s previous words and before Shizuo could confirm that he was blushing, Izaya speed-walked out of the kitchen and into the living room. Shizuo reached up, his fingers lingering on the place that still tingled from Izaya’s warm kiss.

*~*~*

A few hours later Shizuo, back home, crept from the kitchen to the living room, where Izaya was. The air smelled of pain and he worried briefly that Izaya had decided to paint the whole house sloppily like he had the attic. But Izaya was sitting on the couch, staring at his hand. He was frowning, staring at his outstretched hand, his head tilted. He shifted his hand, so that the golden band on his ring finger twinkled in the artificial light. Shizuo’s heart seemed to stutter; Izaya was trying on his wedding ring. Shizuo tried to break his embarrassment by leaning casually against the doorframe. Onigiri appeared out of nowhere, lazily curling around his ankle and meowing, ‘’jheez, you’re not falling for me, are you?’’ he asked, eyebrow raised.

Izaya authentically jumped, ‘’god, can’t you yell ‘I’m home’ or something?’’ he snapped, quickly taking the ring off and putting it in his back pocket.

‘’I’m home,’’ Shizuo grinned at him.

‘’I can see that,’’ Izaya said grumpily, standing. His voice softened, ‘’welcome home.’’

Shizuo smiled at him and entered the living room, ‘’the lunch was nice.’’

‘’Good. I can make you one tomorrow…if you want…’’ Izaya trailed off.

‘’I’d like that,’’ Shizuo admitted, coming to a stop next to Izaya, ruffling his dark, soft hair, ‘’want to tell me why the whole house smells like paint.’’

‘’I ordered acrylics, and I’ve begun painting.’’ He pointed to a large drying canvas in the corner. There was a face painted in colourful squares, ‘’I was bored.’’

Shizuo tilted his head to the side, squinting, ‘’first Mozart, now Picasso?’’

‘’Michelangelo, actually,’’ Izaya said, although he didn’t sound certain, ‘’today’s society is all about abstract.’’

Shizuo padded over to the stool sitting in front of the painting – that looked new, too – and stared at the painting, ‘’it’s not…bad, honestly,’’ he said earnestly, ‘’but…what is it?’’

‘’It’s you, idiot,’’ Izaya laughed and Shizuo blushed when Izaya’s arms slipped over his shoulders to hang loosely in front of him.

Shizuo’s gaze wandered over the harsh square lines of brown hair ending in blond tips, hazel eyes, a black and white suit, ‘’…is it?’’ he asked dubiously and Izaya scowled, smacking his arm. Shizuo tilted his head back and grinned at him upside-down, ‘’it’s almost like you’re obsessed with me.’’

Izaya smirked down at him, ‘’you wish,’’ he said and danced away. Shizuo wished he’d kept his mouth shut so Izaya would have stayed. Suddenly he wished it was late, and he’d showered and they’d had supper so they could go to bed, and Shizuo could hold him without reprimand.

Shizuo stretched and stood, giving an exaggerated yawn, ‘’um… aren’t you tired?’’

‘’Nah, I napped after painting,’’ Izaya went into the kitchen, ‘’hungry?’’

‘’Sure.’’

‘’If you’re tired, I’ll cook,’’ Izaya offered. Shizuo sat at the counter with a grateful smile and watched as Izaya wandered around the kitchen aimlessly, finally tugging the apron off the hook and pulling it on, ‘’what do you want to eat?’’

‘’Anything is fine.’’

Izaya scowled, ‘’don’t give me that,’’ he walked over to Shizuo and turned around, ‘’tie me up.’’

‘’Kinky.’’

‘’Idiot.’’

Shizuo took the strings of the apron, fully aware that Izaya could tie it himself with no problem at all. He tied it slowly into a neat ribbon, ‘’too tight?’’

‘’No, it’s perfect,’’ Izaya turned and peered at Shizuo, pressing a hand to his forehead, ‘’are you feeling okay? You look really worn out.’’

‘’I’m fine. Honestly. Just tired.’’

‘’You sure?’’ Izaya pushed his hair back. Suddenly Shizuo couldn’t control himself anymore. He hooked his fingers into the apron and drew Izaya close, between his legs, wrapping his arms around his middle and burying his face in his neck. Izaya laughed, ‘’seriously, what’s wrong?’’

Shizuo nuzzled his nose into Izaya’s nose, ‘’I’m tired, really.’’

‘’Okay,’’ Izaya said quietly, stroking Shizuo’s hair, ‘’we can go to sleep after we eat.’’

Shizuo already felt himself dozing off against Izaya’s shoulder, ‘’I thought you weren’t sleep?’’

‘’I’m not, but I’ll lay down with you.’’

Shizuo leaned away and looked at Izaya, eyes narrowed, ‘’why are you being so nice?’’

Izaya laughed again, tracing the outline of Shizuo’s cheekbone and jaw with the tips of his fingers, ‘’maybe I want something.’’

‘’A joint bank account?’’ Shizuo asked, eyebrow raised.

Izaya snorted and went back behind the counter, ‘’I have more money than you, protozoan.’’

‘’Whatever, flea.’’ Shizuo used the long-forgotten nickname and Izaya stuck his tongue out at him.

‘’So what do you want to eat?’’

‘’Rice?’’ Shizuo shrugged, ‘’the one you made in the morning was good.’’

‘’Rice it is!’’ Izaya proclaimed like he was on a mission.

The meal took a short amount of time to cook. They had sweet and sour rice (canned sauce, of course) and then each ventured into their bathroom, to shower and brush their teeth. Shizuo was out first, and he lay down patiently under the covers, waiting in the dark for Izaya, who came in a few minutes later. He launched himself at the bed, and landed next to Shizuo, giggling, while Shizuo nagged him, pulling the covers from under him to flop them atop his husband. It was cold enough that Izaya willingly begun sharing covers with Shizuo. The press of his warm, small body was much better than hugging a roll of blankets. Accustomed to him now, Izaya turned his back to Shizuo and took his arm, bringing it around his waist, ‘’good night.’’

‘’Good night,’’ Shizuo said sleepily into his hair. He felt something soft jump onto the bed; Onigiri settled against his ankle, meowing once before curling into a ball. Ironically, Izaya fell asleep before Shizuo or the cat.


	19. I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT AGAIN

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> HI GUYS IM SO SORRY I HAVENT UPDATED IN A WHILE I HAVE BEEN HAVING EXAMS AND IM MOVING HOUSES TODAY AND GENERALLY IM MORE CONCENTRATED ON MY ORIGINAL WORK IM SO SORRY BUT CHECK IT OUT I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS <3

February 14th  

Shizuo sighed heavily, looking at his flour-stained hands, ‘’am I being too ambitious, Onigiri?’’ it was Valentine’s day, and the day before Shizuo had been hit with an urge to do something for Izaya. Even if they weren’t in love, they were still married. It was his day off; he planned to get up early, and prepare something. And yet, tired from work, he slept right until noon, and when he awoke, he found a note from Izaya that he’d gone out. So he got to work. Shizuo clicked the laptop awake with his elbow – it was Izaya’s laptop and if he got it dirty with flour, he wouldn’t live to see another day. The screen came to life with a recipe for a chocolate cake. Shizuo had to dive into Izaya’s secret stash of chocolate to complete the list of ingredients, but now he was well on his way to baking the perfect cake.

Or, failing.

Onigiri meowed, and padded over to Shizuo, rubbing himself against his ankle, ‘’thanks,’’ Shizuo said, sighing, ‘’I wish one of us could bake. Maybe I should have just bought something.’’ He prodded the round block of cake, which was hard as a rock, and tossed it into the trash can, before washing his hands in the sink. Onigiri meowed again, ‘’no giving up. Right,’’ Shizuo nodded with determination, and then mumbled to himself, ‘’I’m never making a cake again. It makes me talk to cats.’’ Drying his hands on his shirt (even though there was a cloth _right there_ ) Shizuo turned back to the laptop and googled another cake – if he couldn’t do solids, he would do liquids, ‘’this looks pretty simple…’’

As it turned out, making this cake went quicker than cleaning after the first one. Diligently setting the timer after popping the tray in the oven, Shizuo set about cleaning the kitchen. He was used to it by now. Izaya was a slob – without Namie Yagiri here to clean his mess, he’d expected Shizuo to do it. Wiping down the counter, Shizuo turned to the dishes. After, he swept the floor, and gave the reluctant Onigiri a bath (he was covered in flower). He was making a mental shopping list when his phone alerted him that the designated time had passed. Holding his breath, Shizuo pulled open the oven. Hot steam wafted in his face, and when it dispersed, he pulled out the tray.

The cake was perfectly brown and glistening, but appearances could be deceiving. Take Izaya, for example – Shizuo had always thought he was gorgeous. A man shouldn’t have a face that pretty, hair that soft and a body so… Shizuo stopped himself before he could finish his thought. The point was, Izaya was a beautiful bastard straight from hell. So this delicious-looking cake could prove deadly. Snatching up a chopstick in the drying rack, Shizuo prodded it into the cake. It was soft, and went in easily, coming out covered in soft crumbs. The inside had cooked well. Shizuo exhaled, tossing the chopstick into the sink. It was fine, and if he worried about it anymore, he’d go bald – worst case scenario, he’d poison Izaya. Hadn’t that been his life-long goal anyway?

Shizuo was just sprinkling on a light dusting of icing sugar when the doors opened and Izaya strolled in, a plastic bag in his hand. The taller man froze, the sieve in his hand hanging above the cake, ‘’uh…where did you go?’’ he asked.

Izaya raised an eyebrow, ‘’is that…a cake?’’

‘’No!’’ Shizuo suddenly didn’t want Izaya to try it. He whipped the sieve behind him, as if he could hide the two hours he’d spent in the kitchen, sending sugar falling all over the floor like snow, ‘’oops…’’

‘’Finish it,’’ Izaya said curiously, having taken off his coat. He sat at the counter, expectant. A little self-consciously, Shizuo finished sprinkling the top with the sugar, ‘’you know, if you wanted sweets, I know you know where my chocolate stash is.’’

‘’Ah…it’s…not for me.’’

‘’Really?’’ that knowing smirk was back on Izaya’s lips, ‘’who is it for then?’’ Shizuo flushed, like a fifth grader with a crush, and mumbled something. Izaya’s smirk widened, ‘’what was that? I didn’t quite here.’’

‘’It’s for you, bastard!’’ Shizuo snapped, annoyed by Izaya’s teasing, and then deflated like a balloon, ‘’c-cause…today’s Valentine’s day…and all…’’ he mumbled, looking away.

‘’You know it’s a celebration of lovers, right?’’

‘’Y-yeah, I know…’’ Shizuo half-snapped, half-stuttered.

‘’Yeah. I know that too,’’ Izaya said brightly, leaning down to snatch his bag from the floor, and pulling out a small, white, square box, handing it to Shizuo, ‘’this is for you, dear husband~’’

Shizuo frowned, taking the box suspiciously. It was the perfect size for a bomb. While he placed it gently on the counter, Izaya leaned over it, and snatched a fork from the drawer. Before Shizuo could stop him, he yanked forward the tray of chocolate cake, dug his fork inside and took a mouthful, ‘’ah…you shouldn’t…eat it while hot…’’

‘’Stop mumbling and open the box,’’ Izaya said, so Shizuo did.

Inside, was a cake.

A vanilla one, from the cake shop in town, with little strawberries. Shizuo blinked at it, stunned, and then warmth flooded his body, ‘’you…went to town just to get this for me?’’ he said quietly.

‘’don’t get your panties in a twist, I had errands to run,’’ Izaya said casually, but he did look a little embarrassed, as he chowed through the cake, ‘’but you~ you baked me one,’’ he smirked at Shizuo, ‘’you’re not falling for me, are you?’’

‘’Don’t be an idiot,’’ Shizuo rolled his eyes, took out a plate and transferred the cake neatly from the box, ‘’do you like yours?’’

‘’Tastes suspiciously like my hidden chocolate,’’ Izaya said, but then glanced at Shizuo, ‘’it’s good. Thanks.’’

Shizuo smiled, ‘’you, too. Thank you.’’

‘’Okay, well, I’m tired, and I want to watch some TV,’’ Izaya jumped down from the stool, walked around to get a plate, and transferred a generous chunk of the chocolate cake onto his plate. He glanced over his shoulder at Shizuo, ‘’you coming?’’

‘’Yeah,’’ Shizuo smiled, cut himself a piece of cake Izaya got him, grabbed a spoon and padded over to the couch. As soon as he sat down, Izaya grabbed the remote, and Onigiri nestled himself against Shizuo’s side.

Izaya sighed, flicking through channels, balancing the cake on his lap, ‘’damn, it’s all rom-com. What do you want, ‘the notebook’ or ‘dirty dancing’?’’

‘’One down is ‘Titanic’, I think,’’ Shizuo was already half-way though polishing his cake off. Izaya flicked one down and settled against the couch pillows, picking the cake up with his fingers and taking a massive bite, ‘’slob.’’

‘’Hey, it’s good!’’ Izaya protested. He extended the piece to Shizuo, ‘’here, try.’’

After a moment of hesitation, Shizuo bit the cake, chewed, and swallowed. He contemplated it for a few seconds, ‘’I should open a bakery.’’

Izaya snorted, finishing the cake, ‘’it’s not _that_ good.’’

Shizuo put his empty plate on the floor, ‘’ _you’re_ not that good.’’

Glancing at him sideways, Izaya smirked, ‘’are you sure about that?’’

‘’Was that an invitation?’’

Izaya shrugged, ‘’maybe,’’ he began picking up crumbs from the plate with his fingers. Shizuo grabbed his wrist and drew his hand to his lips, flicking his tongue against the bad of his finger to get the crumbs off, ‘’gross!’’ Izaya squealed, laughing, till Shizuo kissed his wrist.

‘’You are,’’ he whispered against his skin, pressing a kiss to the golden band around Izaya’s finger, and then one of his silver rings. Izaya angled his hand, so he could brush a crumb from the corner of Shizuo’s mouth with his thumb, completely serious.

As quickly as it had disappeared, the smirk was back, and Izaya snatched back his hand, stretching, ‘’okay, shush, I want to watch the movie,’’ he pressed himself against Shizuo’s free side. Onigiri hissed at him, ‘’shut up. Stupid cat,’’ Izaya grumbled, already sleepy. Shizuo pulled an arm around Izaya, surprising him, but neither moved, even when Shizuo started brushing his fingers gently against Izaya’s shoulder, and then threading his fingers through his hair.

‘’Happy Valentine’s day,’’ he murmured, pressing his cheek to the top of Izaya’s head. With his free hand, he reached out to stroke Onigiri, who settled quickly against his thigh.


End file.
